r/WomeninAcademia

Hi guys, I’m 22 and my ex boyfriend would tell me stuff like “men don’t care about intelligence” and that if I focus on my career and do my PhD then I will be lonely and single forever and also broke. He said that men don’t like intelligent and ambitious women and that women don’t contribute to the workplace and just take coffee breaks. He said that it’s stupid for me to do a PhD and that if I was his daughter he wouldn’t let me but I’m just some girl. But I was confused because he told me he “felt behind” and I will leave him since I’m already doing a PhD (he was still in undergrad and he was a year older). He was joining the airforce and he justified the long distance in that way. He also wanted to “provide” and pay for everything but then would get upset that I wasn’t bringing anything to the table ? He wanted to buy me expensive things (his idea) but would hesitate and not follow through or when he’d buy it and use it as “proof he loves me”. This has messed up my view of love and I’m so confused ? I love being spoiled but I wasn’t asking him to buy expensive stuff. Does it make it hard to find a husband if you are an ambitious / intelligent / self- driven woman ?

I came from a troubled background and didn't get the chance achieve my dream of achieving a degree until I was in my 40's. Things have not worked out the way I had planned (much of it may fault for too much faith in external things, and not enough in myself). I'm now in my 50's getting ready to do my PhD dissertation and I'm struggling to find work. I stepped out of the workforce to have my kids in my early 30's and went back to school to help me move into a better career, but stumbled from my HBA in psychology, into an MEd, and now a PhD. I don't have a lot of work experience outside of the university and nobody will look twice at me. I have been applying for jobs over the past four years, trying to make connections but I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not looking for the perfect job, just something that will get me in the door in the education field. I've applied for administration support work in both I/S and higher ed, done some work as faculty and researcher but it never leads to anything more despite positive feedback. I've applied to journals, and publishers as copy-editors and done some peer review work, but at this point I need something that pays.

The other issue is that I live in an area where there are limited institutions and I don't have a car. Commute to a bigger centre is at least 2 hours (which hasn't stopped me from applying). I know I don't have a great resume and spent too much time focused on the needs of my family but now I'm realizing that my dream is pretty much dead.

I'd appreciate some advice.

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I’m a 30F postdoctoral researcher currently six months into my position. When I started this role, I initially planned to begin trying for a baby early in the postdoc, but I postponed this due to some circumstances. I am now reconsidering that plan.

Professionally, my postdoc is going well, and I feel settled and confident in my current responsibilities. My work is primarily research-focused, with some student mentoring, and I feel I could continue managing this effectively even during pregnancy.

At the same time, I’m thinking about my next career step and whether I should start applying for Assistant Professor positions. I feel ready to progress in my career, but I’m also aware that a faculty role would bring significantly increased responsibilities, including teaching, supervision, grant writing, and administrative duties.

One additional consideration is that my current salary is already comparable to what I would expect in an entry-level Assistant Professor position, so the financial difference is not a major deciding factor.

One thing that weighs heavily on my mind is career progression. Academia often feels like a field where taking a break can have long-term career consequences, and that thought honestly feels overwhelming. Because of that, I'm not really considering delaying family planning for several more years simply to avoid career interruptions. Instead, I'm trying to figure out which stage of my career would be the most manageable to combine with starting a family.

I would really appreciate hearing from women who have been in a similar situation. If you were deciding between staying in a postdoc while planning for a baby or moving into a faculty position first, what influenced your decision? Looking back, is there anything you wish you had considered that wasn't obvious at the time?

I'd especially appreciate hearing about practical considerations (workload, maternity leave, tenure expectations, institutional support, partner support, childcare, etc.) as well as anything you wish someone had told you before making the decision.

I'll open a paper that's blowing up on Twitter, see 800 retweets, and then sit there reading it completely alone. No way to know if the person next to me (metaphorically) is confused at the same section, excited about the same result, or has context I'm missing.

Comments sections are dead or don't exist. Twitter discussion is fragmented and you have to go find it. Discord servers are too broad.

Is this just me or does anyone else feel like reading technical content is weirdly isolating despite the internet existing?

Hello,

I think as fellow women in science we face significant problems in academia and university where we experience discrimination or undermining. Moreso women are expected to be nurturing and empathetic which is not supposed to be part of the job. I wanted to share some of my experiences that I think are problematic but are not reported or not visible enough to be taken seriously. It's particularly lonely because it doesn't reach the boundary of se****al harassment but forces onto you a position of confidant or emotional partner, with a person who has significant power over your grades thus your future. Since it's never spoken outloud, you don't give your consent and if you distance yourself you experience retaliation.

I have noticed a pattern where professors or supervisors who are culturally displaced, class defectors or just stressed-out feel some sort of loneliness, exhaustion or marginalisation in their community, forced onto me a position of confidant. They were in their 40s and I was in my early 20s.

I am a women with multiple disadvantages and I have joined elite institutions. I was always noticed by professors for standing out a bit.

The first time I have experienced this it was with a professor of color who claimed to be a class defector. So at multiple time he came to me talking about his life experience for being a class defector, as if he was sharing with me common life experience, with sadness whereas I was just a 19 year old, I didn't experience any of the things he was talking about. I didn't understand the concept of class defector at that time as I was not accustomed to sociology, it forced me to think about it. I was in a very fast-paced program where I needed to work a lot. He also said out loud, in front of other classmates, the private informations I gave to institutions for enrollment, he went to check it on the institution database. During that time, he would come to talk to me with a overtly friendly demanour as if he was mentoring me or helping me while he was projecting his own life and stereotypes on to me and he was also pushing me toward the less competitive programs without taking the time to know me, to let me proove myself or my abilities. Moreover I didn't share his feelings or his experience of life so I couldn't understand what he was saying, to me it seemed illogical and intrusive. He looked relieved to find an outlet and behaving like a mentor while giving me unsolicited advices. I felt really uncomfortable because at that time to me he looked like he was falling in love, probably a sort of savior complex. I had to shout at him for him to leave and it put me in a very uncomfortable position in the institution and I was breaking one of the social codes.

This exact same pattern of behaviour happened to me thrice. The worst part is I was always seen as the bad person who was refusing the kindness of a well-meaning benevolent professor.

It really makes my skin crawl when I think about it, it took a lot of my energy to manage those men, the energy I could have used in the program. It aslo creeps me out to have been forced into a wife/mother/therapist like position where I didn't wanted to share my emotional or private life with those men but they were coercing me to do so. I don't know if this testimony could help or make people realise that this is not an acceptable behaviour or improve academia because I feel like the changes are not significant enough. Implementing a quota for having more women in science is not enough, the system need to change.

One of those professor, after a six months internship, where he was constantly using me as a therapist, told me multiple times at the end of the internship,"you are talented I see students" after stalling my progress.

I’m 31 years old and I live in Italy with my husband in our hometown. Two months ago, we welcomed our daughter.

I completed my PhD two years ago and since then I have been working remotely on a small university project as a freelancer, although the role and responsibilities were essentially those of a postdoc (but there were not enough funds to offer me a formal postdoctoral contract). I have never earned enough to be truly financially independent and, for major expenses, I have always relied on my husband's income.

Obtaining a postdoc would be very important for my career. Unfortunately, there seem to be very few opportunities in my area. Recently, I interviewed for a postdoctoral position in a city about four hours away by car. I applied hoping there might be some flexibility and the possibility of working remotely most of the time, but the position requires relocation and full-time, daily attendance on site.

Realistically, I cannot accept it. We are already in July and the position would begin in September. Within a few weeks, I would need to organize a family move and find childcare for a baby who is only a few months old. In Italy, nursery places are limited, applications often close many months in advance, and many facilities will not even accept very young infants.

This has forced me to confront a reality that I had perhaps been trying to ignore. Raising children in Italy without grandparents nearby—or without an income high enough to afford full-time childcare—is extremely difficult. Even a decent postdoctoral salary would not realistically cover a family apartment, childcare, and all the expenses that come with raising a child.

More broadly, my husband cannot simply leave the company he has built, with clients and employees depending on him, to follow me every one, two, or three years to a different city or country, especially when there is no guarantee that my academic career will continue afterward. At the same time, we have a young daughter and parents who are getting older and will increasingly need our support and care in the years ahead. The prospect of spending the next decade moving from one temporary position to another feels less and less sustainable, both practically and emotionally.

To be honest, I am also becoming increasingly frustrated with fellowships and academic opportunities that seem to assume that someone in their thirties will happily relocate for six months or a year, sometimes for very limited pay—or even unpaid—because the "real reward" is the research experience and the CV line.

So my question is: am I unrealistic for wanting both a family and an academic career? Is there any realistic path that would allow me to remain in research without uprooting my husband, my daughter, and our two cats every couple of years?

I would be perfectly happy with arrangements involving short periods on site, occasional travel, or concentrated research visits throughout the year. I am simply wondering whether such paths genuinely exist, or whether constant mobility has become an unavoidable condition for remaining in academia—even for those of us who are not aiming for prestigious positions and would be perfectly happy with a modest but stable career.

Since becoming a mother, I have increasingly felt that family life and academia are often pulling in opposite directions. I know this may sound obvious, but people without children or major family responsibilities can usually move much more easily when opportunities arise. That reality frustrates me because I feel that I also have a great deal to contribute professionally.

Before having a child, relocating every few years seemed difficult but possible. Now every decision affects not only me, but also my husband, my daughter, and our wider family network. Sometimes I wonder whether there is truly space in academia for people who want both a stable family life and a long-term research career, or whether the system is still largely built around people who can place work above everything else.

And unfortunately, even in 2026, it often feels as though women continue to bear the greatest cost of that reality.

Hey ladies

I’m doing a postdoc research grant at the moment, and know we want kids. I’ve been cycle tracking, taking supplements, eating healthily, etc. but I have to travel a lot for work. This travel is temporary, because I have this research contract but they do offer maternity leave.

Problem is, we’ve been like this for about a year, where my ovulation window is often when I’m away on research, so we can’t try for that window. I’m tempted to ask my doctor if we can do IVF or IUI purely so I can know when I’m ovulating, we know it’s a legitimate try.

How did you navigate TTC with conferences, workshops etc interfering with your ovulation window? I’ve checked online which obviously just says try in that window, but for academia it doesn’t exactly work like that, and I can’t exactly stop this temporary research contract just to try to conceive which could take months anyway.