u/NewDecision4648

I’m looking for honest cultural advice, especially from people familiar with Pakhtun families from Lower Dir/KPK.

I’m Punjabi and have spent most of my life in the Middle East and Lahore. I was also working before. My fiancé is Pakhtun, the eldest son of his family, originally from Lower Dir. He lived in Lahore for around 10 years and has now been working in the UAE for the last 2 years, away from his family.

We’ve been engaged for 3.5 years.

For most of our relationship, the understanding between us was that after marriage I would not have to permanently live in KPK, and that eventually we would settle together either in Lahore or abroad. Recently, however, his family has started expecting that after marriage I should stay in KPK with them until he is able to take me with him abroad.

They say that as the “eldest daughter-in-law” I will have responsibilities toward the household and family. This is where my anxiety and confusion are coming from.
I’m trying to understand realistically:

•	What are the usual expectations and responsibilities of an eldest daughter-in-law in conservative Pakhtun families from Lower Dir?

•	Is temporary living with in-laws usually actually temporary in these situations, or does it often become long-term?

•	If the husband is abroad, how much independence does the wife realistically have?

•	Do families usually willingly let the eldest son and his wife move away separately later on?

•	How difficult is the cultural adjustment for a Punjabi girl who has mostly lived in cities/Middle East?

•	Has anyone here seen intercultural Punjabi–Pakhtun marriages work well in similar circumstances?

I’m not trying to disrespect the culture at all. I just want an honest and realistic picture before making a lifelong decision, because our original understanding and the current expectations now seem very different.

Would appreciate honest experiences rather than ideal answers.