Contemplating deletion
At the age of 12 (im 34 now) I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. Ive tried all kinds of treatments to no avail, botox injections, medications, bladder cocktails etc.
My IC doesnt present like normal IC does. Im constantly aware of my bladder and how much or how little urine is in it. Theres a constant pain in my bladder and it burns every time I urinate. As the urine exits the pain rises and the cycle continues. I also have overactive bladder so even if my bladder is barely full I have these sudden strong urges to urinate and if I try to hold it, I leak urine.
Also, 2 years ago in Feb of 2024 I woke up just like any other day only this time I was strongly aroused for no reason and even with masturbation and orgasm I got zero relief. And to this day ive still had zero relief.
I got an appt at a different gynecologist, my 3rd one thus far, but the soonest they had was 6 months from now.
I also am a mother of 4 kids, my youngest is 2 months old. My divorce is almost finalized, and im living with my mother again for the millionth time. Now you may ask, if ur going through such hell physically, why so many kids?
Well when ur being abused and depressed and desperate for love, ull do anything to keep/earn "love" from that person no matter the cost to you.
Im trying to apply for.disability but as you know it takes a really long time and u may or may not get approved.
Bc of my physical problems im living a literal hell on earth.
And one of the worst parts is if u act too happy in a moment people dont take u seriously. If u act the way u feel, people say things like, "u gotta keep moving/keep on truckin" etc. Or go silent and dont do or say anything or act like they dont want to be around u.
I dont know how much longer I can live like this.