Atonement
What am I waiting for
What am I begging for
What’s good to yearn for
All a quest
All a questions of sense of self
Self deprivation
Self mutilations
Self lacerations
Self doubt
Self soothe
Don’t know how
All at the bottom of a barrel
Trying to find the perimeter
Can I stretch out and walk my way up?
I am so fucking weak
So fucking soft
It is so true what they say
You don’t know what you got till it’s gone
What an absolute waste of feeling
What a true devastation to be so confused on what’s good and bad
Right from wrong
And then Once you realize… it’s all gone
Time to start from scratch
Only a new playing field
Or am i on a surface full of revolving conditions
And it’s not so wrong of me to feel so turned around all the time
I’m not even sure what I’m saying
I’ll have to reflect at a later date.
I hate feeling like this
Complete and UTTER despair.
Absolute unworthiness worthlessness
Feeling so stuck having to be so fucking blah.
I hope I can find comfort. I won’t pray on it because that seems to be a waste of a good prayer. Saving those for what really matters. Let’s not forget.
All too easy to forget.
What about grace
What’s the tip on that
How can I accept grace into my way of thinking
Let’s not get off track you know what you want
What you wish
Be totally honest with yourself
You wish yourself
Or to see yourself..
As a divine transient beacon of expression and realism wrapped in a shell of lustrous mystery and desire
Hope
Hopeful and somber
Nostalgia at last
That’s the spot
G minor d minor
F major
It’s okay to not feel your best
There’s some things I’ll never know
There’s places and visions I’ll never see
At the end I hope I’ll be okay with me
I hope I’m doing okay. What’s there to compare to. Why does it all just real in endless mounds of anxiety and shame
We are all masochist. I’ve been saying this to myself lately.
We all are in pursuit of what suffering we can endure BEST
I think I will always be to afraid to see myself clearly. I investigate but discover distraction. Too chicken to address. Too chicken to invite her out to play