r/LyricalWriting

Hey so I got sent these song lyrics from a friend and I was wondering if someone could keep the same structure but change the lyrics and the mood entirely for me?
It’s a big ask but there is frame work and inspiration.
The inspiration is sort of a Suki Waterhouse / Lana Del Rey style song.

Thank you. Here is the lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Your jacket on my chair
Still smells like rain and smoke
Cherry stains on your sleeve
You laugh like it’s a joke
I trace the ring you wore
Then leave it where it lands
You pull me in too close
And wreck my careful hands

[Pre-Chorus]
Say my name like that
Slow and mean
Got my heart all bruised
In between
Hold me like a match
Right at the edge
I want the burn
I want the red

[Chorus]
Ash on velvet
Stay on me
Ash on velvet
Don’t set me free
Close enough to break
Soft enough to keep
Ash on velvet
Baby, sleep with me
(Ash on velvet)
(Ash on velvet)

[Verse 2]
Your boots by the door
Your keys in the blue bowl
Half-drunk grapefruit wine
Cold on my lower lip
You bite your words in half
Then let them out in gold
I know your kind of love
It grabs and doesn’t hold

[Pre-Chorus]
Say my name like that
Slow and mean
Got my heart all bruised
In between
Hold me like a match
Right at the edge
I want the burn
I want the red

[Chorus]
Ash on velvet
Stay on me
Ash on velvet
Don’t set me free
Close enough to break
Soft enough to keep
Ash on velvet
Baby, sleep with me
(Ash on velvet)
(Ash on velvet)

[Bridge]
Let the room go dark
Let the record crack
If you leave a mark
I’m not giving back
You can haunt my skin
You can take your time
I was born to fall
If you call it mine

[Final Chorus]
Ash on velvet
Stay on me
Ash on velvet
Don’t set me free
Close enough to break
Soft enough to keep
Ash on velvet
Baby, sleep with me
(Ash on velvet)
(Ash on velvet)

This is a disaster I’m a pokemon master I’m faster pikachu

There ain’t no telling. Where the hell I’m headed. Or the hell I’ve put her through.

Had no idea I was leaving. She’ll come around. She’ll understand I had other plans.

If she wanted a family. How did she find herself. In the palms of my hands.

Don’t think I don’t give a damn. It was just a one night stand. We never had a chance.

I am just a man.

Pretend

Verse 1:

I guess we’ve been playing pretend for a while now

Again, I was left hurt don’t feel like I could smile again somehow

I know that I hurt you first by saying things carelessly

But you still pretended to be my friend and played it off as if it was all okay you see

I knew I was in the wrong and was sorry

And you talked about me behind my back and acted all high and mighty

Verse 2:

How were you so good at acting as if everything was alright?

Why am I the only one hurt? It just doesn’t seem right

Had I known you were this good of a liar

I would’ve been more prepared for this friendship to end

Maybe I wouldn’t haven’t gotten hurt and stopped caring that it was all just pretend

 

Chorus:

You played the friend role so well

You should be in a play or in goddamn movie from hell

You said I was a bitch and it was classic

But this is coming from someone so unbelievably plastic

 

 

Verse 3:

I cried over a friendship that was so toxic

My God I can’t believe I was actually sad about it

Took me long to get over it

But now I’m so happy it’s over because you were just a piece of shit

 

Chorus…

I’d love some honest feedback on this chorus. What do you think works, and what would you change?

I’ve tried to keep you
Away from the blood
Carry you through it
So then we can laugh
The red sank into my skin
My past made it too tough

I a new musician . And I made music album with concept psychological term ,, the dark triad ‘’ and I am want Mamés my album originally but I still didn't come up with it name . Can you help me in this ?

By Jonah Kornspun

Would you cut your wings off to land in heaven?
Radio, I couldn’t find you standing right here
Things ain’t been the same since like nine eleven
But think about it, I wouldn’t write that song then, You’d feel that fear
My dear, It should be clear.

There’s this feeling I can’t stand
Where I’m at the edge of an impetus
But I’m infinitesimally scared
Cause I saw a little flash of you just taking my hand
I need to find you, fight to wind up
Stand at the bodega with a gun and suicidal
Tendency toward admission
But of course you’re getting sweaty when you’re headed for the pit

And you think that i might blow up
Gaslight me til the sun glow up
You resemble a cosmic love
No, imagination couldn’t dream us up
The look when we work it out
Dance with me til lights give out
We make each other shine dont turn me down
Tell me what you want,
You tell me

There’s this feeling I can’t stand
Where I’m at the edge of an impetus
But I’m infinitesimally scared
Cause I saw a little flash of you just taking my hand
I need to find you, fight to wind up
Stand at the bodega with a gun and suicidal
Tendency toward admission
But of course you’re getting sweaty when you’re headed for the pit

I saw the fire yesterday, the snowy wait
it looked like fireworks, in the quiet town that grew me
oh and i remember years ago, watching subway takes
You like that our phones are listenin', and i disagree
You want to risk it all, well take your hand
i did that yesterday in the quiet town i grew up in

All rise for the gospel
Devotion, address the counsel
I'm open to some solution
the overwhelming
verdict, redact the names
of the convicts
protect the criminals
perversion in secrecy supersedes the

Pardon, The jury finds you responsive
so seal the cracks in the airwaves, the super
surveillance computer is solving for us
Now

Tropical fish girls in bikini suits swim to sand castles water proof

Crowded room safeplace when im in my head passing through can't cause me harm eyes are closed padded room

jeans baggy dont fit my waistline hourglass figure you can tell the time

Think to hard like its 9 to 5 no paycheck just obsessed thoughts of monsters coming out no night light

Innocent I keep the piggy bank up high walking straight dont trip might drop a dime

Search bar screen light big waves deep dive

Gps guiding light heart means im good guy

silver tongue worth more than your life charisma can stop time

Shades inside reality in dimmed lights

Ice cubes steel tomb dont resurrect did my time light the candle i go outside of time next plane with my many eyes

I'm the better man

Stoop to your level?

Wack

It's never that

Blowin on the pressure pack

You couldn't carry my mental mass

Gravity couldn't handle me

I'm holdin it down single handedly

Ran the beat out the booth lettin loose my master schemes

Sharp like some raptor teeth

The pain it bites rather deep

Grew up as a bastard teen

I was lookin but there was no dad to see

Steezy Jay the phantom chief

It's a poltergeist when Im flowin nice

Ghostin mics this my haunted prototype

Gamble with the golden heights

I need the win I know the price

I'm holdin my molten might

The rhymes bring me close to christ

I talk with him now my soul is wise

I wrote shit on the coldest heights

That's how I leave a frozen mic

There was a time I would've chose to die

Now I make the most of life

[Verse 1]

We love it, don't we?

The thrill of death and the sadness of life

Waves of happiness needing to be satisfied

Tides of depression attributing to our ends

With love or hate, we depart

This realm gives us life then kills us like no other

But we love it, even the ones who claim not

Flowers, we leave like a bee

[Pre chorus]

The smart research our beginning

In an effort to live forever

To defy what we internally yearn for

The bee, its will full of sting

[Chorus]

Who do we fight for to live eternally

When we look out to the endless,

Do we see one or many

[Verse 2]

Strength of the divine

Look to it to cure your worry, they say

The officials of life make their decree

Live and die, born to die like a line

The corpse feeds the living around it

A cycle to always repeat, so why be afraid?

We feed the pine

[Verse 3]

fights will not prevail

Animals around make agreements with the earth

They give, and receive their rewards

Hear Gaia, she speaks upon her subjects

Us shown to the cycle, beyond the veil

[Chorus]

Who do we fight for to live eternally

When we look out to the endless,

Do we see one or many

[Outro]

Acceptance is of grief, though the end

Built to end,

Toys full of faulty mechanics

To the veil, we must bend

What am I waiting for
What am I begging for
What’s good to yearn for
All a quest
All a questions of sense of self
Self deprivation
Self mutilations
Self lacerations
Self doubt
Self soothe
Don’t know how
All at the bottom of a barrel
Trying to find the perimeter
Can I stretch out and walk my way up?
I am so fucking weak
So fucking soft
It is so true what they say
You don’t know what you got till it’s gone
What an absolute waste of feeling
What a true devastation to be so confused on what’s good and bad
Right from wrong
And then Once you realize… it’s all gone
Time to start from scratch
Only a new playing field
Or am i on a surface full of revolving conditions
And it’s not so wrong of me to feel so turned around all the time
I’m not even sure what I’m saying
I’ll have to reflect at a later date.
I hate feeling like this
Complete and UTTER despair.
Absolute unworthiness worthlessness
Feeling so stuck having to be so fucking blah.
I hope I can find comfort. I won’t pray on it because that seems to be a waste of a good prayer. Saving those for what really matters. Let’s not forget.
All too easy to forget.
What about grace
What’s the tip on that
How can I accept grace into my way of thinking
Let’s not get off track you know what you want
What you wish
Be totally honest with yourself
You wish yourself
Or to see yourself..
As a divine transient beacon of expression and realism wrapped in a shell of lustrous mystery and desire
Hope
Hopeful and somber
Nostalgia at last
That’s the spot
G minor d minor
F major
It’s okay to not feel your best
There’s some things I’ll never know
There’s places and visions I’ll never see
At the end I hope I’ll be okay with me
I hope I’m doing okay. What’s there to compare to. Why does it all just real in endless mounds of anxiety and shame
We are all masochist. I’ve been saying this to myself lately.
We all are in pursuit of what suffering we can endure BEST

I think I will always be to afraid to see myself clearly. I investigate but discover distraction. Too chicken to address. Too chicken to invite her out to play

Note for reading: “Martyr” is pronounced ”Mort-ter“ to rhyme with the words that came before a bit better, “Becky, messy, and desi“ are pronounced ”Beckay, Messay, Dessay“ to rhyme with decade more aswell. And the final verse runs a continuous rhyme link from 'notice' all the way to 'Jaundice'

Epiphany

The fuck you mean I’m evil?

Selfish?, oh my shit! you look medieval

Is your vocabulary that feeble?

I’m at an ends to see, that all I have is me

Are you feeling queasy?

Why did you have to throw my stuff away?

You practically are in a state of disarray!

Like man are you sure you aren’t kind of cuckoo?

Wow!, do people honestly think you’re an innocent bird that coos?!

I mean bipolar!, borderline personality disorder?

Like bitch, unhand her!

You’re such a hoarder, “soldier”, the only thing you’re good for is being a martyr!

Yeah, just blame it all on me

Say you’re taking the heat

When you tortured me

The entirety

Of a quarter decade

Like seriously!, you look like a stripper named Becky!

You make everything so messy!

You know which type of mother would probably pass out when they saw your room?, A desi.

Hey!, Watch out for me!, Weasel!

You can’t go ‘round acting all Nimble

Be honest with me?, did you think we wouldnt notice?

Do you ever pay attention to your tracks?, it’s like you have no gnosis

All the lies you told and never beared to let surface

Honestly, if I was a Christian I’d think you’d need a crucifix!

Stop crying about how much you practice!

You don’t even have a drop of malice

You look and act like a novice

I’ll punch you in your jugular, is that enough justice?

If I was slightly blind, I’d look at your teeth and think you got Jaundice!

(I want to preface this by saying I know this isn't all grammatically correct and I'm sorry)

Heaven

Heaven is to humans as water is to a tree

Without water, the tree dies

Death

But what without death, what would be to converse of for heaven

Heaven

God rallies his greatest

Ends the ones whom he finds new to inquiry

Will Heaven ratify our lives?

Or will it disembowel our dying wishes

Heaven

Could God allow this time to pass as though it had never occured

Could God sacrifice me only to raise me again

Could God allow me to save the others as if they are my own blood

Heaven

What would God say?

What would God lay his eyes on?

What would Heaven allow me to feel?

Hell

Would Hell be kinder

Does non-life retain it's feel when in death

Would Hell allow for loneliness or for happiness

Heaven

Heaven tells to obey,

Heaven tells to abide by ruling

Hell is for the damned

Hell is for the curious who defy the words of God

Hell

Heaven

Hell

Heaven

Hell

Heaven

Hell

God, who is mighty

God, who is all knowing

God, who is all loving

God

Would God feel the way I do

Could Satan explain to do better

Would God seal my conscious

Could Satan free it

Heaven

Our father, who art in Heaven

Shall someday feel

Shall someday understand

The bread given, poisoned by his malice

Heaven

To win you must learn
earn before enabled stern
turns never synchro
natures greatest typo
automatic gutso
guild abundant lets go

In totalitarian strength
I ponder a deeper trench
The old chicken egg saga
Nurture to rupture
Rapper or criminal adventure

In honesty i trust
Lend thee my thrust
Tell you the first
of many I lust

Alchohol and weed
vaginal and three's
Freedom and devotion
lovers of marginalized erosion
honor of thousand lesser than explosion

Without alien or alumni in illusion
weed out salient inclusive of anomalies
There are songs and lyrics
Untypical and arithmetic wrong but mythic

I dont chase the money
Loot for fancy dowry
Lean but seen some powering
towering notes of honoring

What music is
its place of lips
eyes senses stripped
Good music can be one
I promise this has to be done
for AI is going to slowly kill all of us and long
Longer than the current void of talent in each and every song

Popper

Somethin's Killin' Somethin' Outside

Mr. Belief,
A bold prediction, but it just might come to pass...
You're such a lucky lad to have that lass,
You don't deserve 'er, but then who deserves who?
One head's a level under two...

Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
As it should be, so undignified...
Somethin's killin', somethin' outside!
Overthinkin', now your brain's fried...
Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Undercover, in broad daylight...
Somethin's killin' somethin outside!
1am 'til after midnight...

That's what you said to yourself in the kitchen,
Another regular day. Hey, hey!
Communication between His creatures,
The wings of panic were flappin' away...
It could've been an afternoon in August,
Or was it December or Feb?
You had a vision of shedded feathers caught in a spider's web...

Made ya go blind, and now you're needin' a guide,
It left you salivatin' achin' inside,
Compressed and squashed by the pressure applied...
You've been re-murdered by your bride!
That feline streak of lust for lives,
It's makin' you break out in hives,
But now they're givin' you high fives!

Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Lovin' act you're ripped appart by...
Somethin's killin', somethin' outside!
Shrug it off and watch the paint dry...
Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Standard practice, stuff to describe...
Somethin's killin' somethin outside!
Never let it ruin your vibe...

You represented yourself on the pages,
But then, the pigeons came home to roost...
It took a second, but it couldda been ages,
Your confidence needed a boost...
Of course, they hate you with a passion!
At least the one chick got to hatch...
They said the dinosaurs went extinct...
I think you've met your match!

Mrs Discreet,
Imagination. Not for the faint-hearted!
There's some discussion that's started about the times you partied outside your sexy skeleton...
Inside the new translation, your love is radiation...

Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Can't be altered, can't be rectified...
Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Just ignore it and find a place to hide...
Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Maybe next year, at least you tried...
Somethin's killin' somethin' outside!
Now the punters are electrified...

You know, you're only a voice and a vessel,
A simple tool for the narrative,
It's rock n roll, but it's too much hassle,
The origins of the phrases we give...
And now that all that remains is an egg
and a handful of MP3s,
You realise that it all served a purpose, amongst the birds and the bees...

It took me some time
But its kinda sublime
I thought 'prompt' was a substituted word for 'diss'
WHAT A DUMBASS
Its like I became Andy's dumas cuz thats what it truly felt like

I really have bad angle here
like Kurt olympic Gold going theatrical affair
AI raps and sings discourage my words to much to despair

but then...
thats the dumbass in me
cant tolerate the weakness thats inside me
blaming flaming baby
out to terrorize and permabanned, notorious already

Gawddawm
Whys it gotta be this way
Why is embarassment so ligtly laid out candid lay
The jester in me is like some trick or treat childsplay forever sillay

I aint Pinnochio or Peter tho
Im fuggin up thuggish things IRL fo sho
i mean...
lets face it
I have too much freedom to risk it
my fb is already on multiple threads they on it
but like..

Im a rapper grade G
Cant nobody B or D be stoppin up my chi
My shit is dog shit but Im korean i'll eat your dog see
I'll force the rhyme every time just to have at it with torn apart plans worthy

its just....
how i live first

secret

Stinging gales suffocate...speech.
The forgotten desert is just beyond your reach.
Under sand from the genesis stone,
I eternally hunger for pasts, unknown….

The fingerprint laid in the willow grove eroded,
As your final breath released!
I’ll Devour your emblem.
Extract the essence.
Transcend through my teeth...

Venom dries in the desert heat!
Evaporating all identity...
Crimson to gray!
Crimson to gray!
All that was,
Has washed away!
(SATIATE THE SNAKE!)

A symbol without a meaning...
A soul without a being...

Traces… (immolate).

The void… (dissipates).

Illumination (desecrates).

The light...

REMAINS!

Venom dries in the desert heat!
Evaporating all identity...
Crimson to gray!
Crimson to gray!
All that was,
Has washed away!

SATIATE THE SNAKE!

Crimson to gray!
Crimson to gray!
All that was,
Has washed away!

SATIATE THE SNAKE!

Now they on me
Take my shit like cronies
Diss my shit by makin em disses
Lit the litany before understanding wishes

Heres a simple fact
Theres no such thing as a bad track
Whether you like it or not subjectivity is grand
No diss track can be deemed offensive by just analyzing sound

No amount of hate can turn the jester
Jester wants anything but ligering pain or outspoken shame on a platter
Nobody been bullied harder
No idea what im reppin the shit i seen youd shatter

Shat a
pretty please for a verses
Sing like mary had a little lamb and ponders
Whats the point if points are covered asparagus shaved heads gander

Please dont auto remove my posts
Impression or not just because in center stage it dont mean im coarse
I can eloquent a mellow tune
Sing along with most artists with hands in the sky attitude
Dont be judgey with the incoherent
I can essay hard and balladier even deeper MOD label me kinda rude

You did it twice
So here is my advice

when a weakness is detected
dont be guilty of its infectives

try to see the meaning for yourself before assertive
high or dry the words and purrs are in front of you not changing no matter what you addressin

Why so judge
just fuck with my plunge

im not so friendly to unfriendly conversationalists
So be warned before you sensationalize your fisted