u/New_Homework_2179

I’m curious what you guys think about this topic. I’ve been doing a lot of trial and error with different strategies / ways to tackle my BED.

I keep going back and forth with the idea that it is better to keep trigger foods or snacks out of the house or not. I keep finding myself , after a couple days of not binging , feeling like I trust myself to have some snacks I like in the house to have in moderation. Like I feel somewhat confident at that point.
But almost every single time I end up binging on ALL of them in one or two different episodes, the day after I buy them.
I just don’t know how to deal with this because I feel like it’s too restrictive to ban it from the house entirely or to consciously not allow it, if that makes sense. I feel like then I’ll just lose control when I am exposed to it in another setting, which I’ve seen in myself before.

This ties into something else I’m really struggling with in this stage of recovery which is trying to not lean back into my restrictive side in the process of avoiding binging . I just have no idea how to eat because the guilt of eating in a way in which im not trying to shrink myself feels wrong, uncomfortable and unfamiliar - but at the same time I physically am unable to restrict/control myself for more than like two days at a time without eventually eating something unplanned and then binging as a result. Any thoughts or tips on that I’d appreciate as well

this is the first time ive ever posted on here so hopefully this is relevant and people understand what im talking about lol. i just want a bit of advice and curious if anyone has had a similar experience. for some context - ive been dealing with really bad bingeing the past 7-8 months (bp cycle). i used to be really overweight for a lot of my life but ive been gradually losing weight the past few years until i got to my lowest around october 2025. i never restricted thattt much, i counted my calories for a while but didnt really care and was not strict at all - until i hit my lowest weight i had been since the age of 13 and the pressure to maintain it or continue to lose (?) absolutely took over my life. i began restricting really heavily but it took me a while to see it or even feel the repercussions, because it felt like the morally correct thing to do. i had been in therapy but with more of a holistic therapist rather than a full on psychologist for the past couple years just for anxiety and general food issues like i was always a bit insecure. but i had to get another psychologist once i started realising how the restricting was taking up all aspects of my life, all my energy, literally lost my personality and had no interests. slowly after starting more therapy i began binging - theres definitely no correlation but just explaining.

it was also through this therapy i learned that my ED is very very intertwined with OCD. especially in terms of numbers, calories, whatever. i have a lot of obsessive thoughts and rumination and food noise, all fucking day long, all the time. ill check mfp over, and over, and over, just to make sure the numbers are all as they should be. all that just to eventually end up bingeing. when i accidentally eat something 'off-plan' it feels like everything is messed up, its that 'fucked it' mentality where i then wanna eat every single thing ive ever craved THAT day or in THAT moment because it feels like ill never be able to eat it again. even though i binge so often i should understand that i can eat what i crave at this point. like it bothers me not because im thinking necessarily about the weight ill gain, but im almost more bothered by the destruction of my routine that for some reaosn i am clinging on so tight to, even though i now see it doesnt work for me. another thing is that my binges have basically always been ENTIRELY sugar. i dont think i have ever wanted to eat real food during a binge. only chocolate , or desserts. sometimes random shit like dates and nut butters even. but it is always sweets. i dont get why. + i hope me saying that i dont usually eat 'real food' during the binges doesnt make anyone downplay what im experiencing. cuz the binge episodes are still intense. like very very very bad.

anyways, i am really really over it. i am so deep in this cycle and miserable. i feel like im now at a point where have been experiencing it so long it feels like ive hit rock bottom. also, ive been reflecting so much, im at a really important stage of my life, ive spent so much time and money on therapy at this point and also working with doctors to deal with all the gastro and hormonal issues ive created. im just really fucking over it and i dont wanna keep living in this rigid obsessive lifestyle, even though its so so hard to let go of my weird food rules and compulsive exercise. it feels like its all i have to show - my discipline and what ive built for myself. i feel so much shame i even deal with this because in theory, i have a really abundant life and i feel so vain and liike selfish that ive brought myself down this path, if that makes sense.

apologies for the long explanation but im just really feeling isolated in this and wondering if anyones situation is similar. the main thing i wanted to ask about is how you deal with other people in this situation. for a long time i kind of resented everyone in my life because i associated seeing them with me binging. whether that was because going out for meals meant i couldnt restrict, or id eat something that made me feel guilty then go home and actually binge, or whatever. but im learning now this is not the case and i dont need to push anyone away. i really wanna spend more time with my friends and reconnect with them on a deeper level. all 3 of my current therapists have been pushing for me to speak to friends about my situation , but i feel ashamed. i have best friends who i am really really close with but still feel hesitant to open up to because i dont really know how to explain it it feels almost embarrasing. the main reason i wanna tell them is so i can spend time with them without holding this weight of hiding it and stressing if they might offer me a trigger food or something like that . i want to be able to go to restaurants with them and be out and about and able to honor what i actually need and what food decisions are best for me etc. i know it sounds easy to do but when your relationship with food is so complicated, and you are so easily triggered into a binge, its not.

so im just wondering how exactly to let them know how im feeling, and what kind of boundaries i could set ? the only person i really speak to about all of this is my mom, and even then she doesnt really get it. its all just very isolating as you know.

so if anyone has any advice on just opening up about this kind of thing to people, from a recovery perspective/wanting to tackle binging , please let me know