how to heal from a highly anxious mother
My mom has always been extremely anxious, especially about health and safety. Some examples from growing up:
- She would take my temperature multiple times a day and check for symptoms like rashes or illness. I was a perfectly healthy child. She constantly uses me as a reasurrance loop throughout my life.
- I was often asked repeatedly if I was “okay,” and if I didn’t respond in a specific reassuring way (like saying I was “perfect”), it would lead to more questioning, panic, and her accusing me of being a liar.
- As a teenager, she went through my trash to monitor things like menstrual products for “health reasons.”
- She had strong fears about rare diseases(like brain-eating amoeba in lakes, even in Massachusetts), and would restrict activities because of that.
- She regularly is emotionally overwhelmed (crying, yelling, panic) over medical situations I've had or even routine things like bloodwork or common colds.
- She reacted emotionally and tried to "scare me" out of adult medical decisions (ADHD meds, SSRIs, HPV vaccine), framing them as dangerous.
- Even now, she still reacts strongly to my decisions (travel, activities, health worries), often escalating into yelling or panic.
Now, I have OCD, anxiety, and depression. I’ve been on Lexapro for about a year, and I’ve been trying to unlearn a lot of her fears that I used to take as “fact,” especially when it comes to health anxiety.
I don’t think she’s a bad person as she loves me and believes she’s protecting me but I’m trying to understand:
has anyone else experienced a parent like this?
and how did you start separating your own thoughts from their anxiety?