Looking for help
WARNING FOR PEOPLE THAT DONT WANT TO VENT
Im looking for help with an issue regarding one of my testing behaviours. Im 20 and have been through nearly every possible test that hocd can throw my way since ive had this for the last 5.5 years. Suddenly yesterday i went through an experience which in my head was saying “you might like moving/acting like a woman in a sexual way”. Adrenaline and feelings inside me were pushing me to test it. I did it a bunch of times and i dont know how to feel about it since i get subtle feelings during it which resemble enjoyment but at the same time i dont know if i feel okay with all of it which pushes me into believing that this might be denial. Also what im confused about is that there are times where im like “i dont like it” but they dont really feel that powerful and sometimes i feel so immersed into doing it that it feels like something i natura enjoy or whatever. I need some help to interpret some of my feelings during it. Has anyone experienced something similar?