I (22F) think my ex-boyfriend (23M) was cheating on me
So I (22F) just broke up with my ex-boyfriend (23m) two weeks ago. We’d been in a relationship for almost four years but a lot changed. The first two years everything was fine and we were really close. Then I went to international studies.
Just for some background information; we stared the same study so that’s how we know each other. He’s my first boyfriend and everything else but I’m not his. I knew I wanted to do the international studies for as long as I started with uni. Here in the Netherlands the international studies is part of my original studies, a minor, and I would be gone for only 4 months. He knew this since we stared dating.
So since September I was there, and he started a new study which I was really happy about. He’d been wanting to do it but didn’t feel confident so I urged him to go do it. Since that study started he got new friends, including one woman (23f). Since the moment he met her, I heard about it. He couldn’t stop talking about her. I - being probably very naive - didn’t care and was happy he had friends.
In September I got a huge voice memo from him, suddenly about everything he wanted to change in our relationship. The voice memo was 25 minutes… 5 minutes it went about hanging out with friends more, 5 minutes it went about money, and then 15 minutes long it was all about sex. I don’t know why he brought it up when I was gone and couldn’t change anything about it but it made me so incredibly upset. Like- why are you talking about this now? It was all very degrading towards me while I felt like I didn’t do anything wrong.
Time passes and in October he calls me in years, why? Because he thought I cheated on him. I did not. And this accusation came out of nowhere! He even named the person I was cheating with according to him. It was the only guy who was sleeping on our floor. The guy who never came out of his room. But okay? Fine. I got a bit mad but let it go. I know. Very dumb that I did.
Then the second time, three weeks later in November, he accused me of cheating again! This time with a guy I’m pretty close with. But he has a girlfriend first of all, and secondly I was also in a relationship so of course not!
While all this was happening, he kept telling me that he felt like he wasn’t a priority to me etc etc. And at some point I gotta admit I was a bit fed up. These months were supposed to be something fun and I wasn’t having. Fun. Because I was constantly thinking oh I have to message my bf because otherwise he’ll he upset etc etc. I’m not a good texter, I really tried to change that. But I kept sending videos to him through Snapchat. And also while this was happening, he kept talking more and more about his new friend.
Now before I tell you the following thing, you need to know how I look and am. I have blonde and purple hair, blue eyes, tattoos and piercings. I have adhd and love fantasy and whimsical things. And I am bisexual.
It is November again and I just got back from a concert with my friends. My phone died on the way back because I forgot my powerbank. When my phone charged, I got so many messages from him. When he saw I read them, he called me immediately. And guess what, he accused me of cheating, AGAIN! I know his ex cheated on him but I feel like this ain’t an excuse to keep accusing me. The real kicker is that in this conversation, he tells me that he has feelings for someone else. For his new friend. Because he does get attention from her. He told me.
Yknow what’s actually hilarious! This woman has blue eyes, blonde and purple hair, piercings, is also bisexual and loves fantasy and dresses whimsical…
The only difference is that I wear glasses.
In hindsight should’ve been done with this when he accused me for the third time and when he admitted this. I am ashamed to say that k didn’t, it didn’t even cross my mind back then. I did get very mad at him because how dare he?!
So the conversation is never brought up again. I come back and life goes on. There were some instances where we had a fight but for the sake of the length of this post I’ll go on.
It all came to a halt for me when I realized everything he said started annoying me. This realisation didn’t come until May which embarrasses me. I broke up with him two weeks ago, the conversation was fine nothing weird about it.
Then I hear; that he has been talking with HER! That woman he apparently had feeling for and looked so much like me. About starting a relationship. They want to get to know each other and in August they decide what it will be. This was only a few DAYS after we broke up.
WHAT?! This is the woman he told me not to worry about. This is the woman he kept bringing to school with him otherwise she had to cycle.
He promised me that he didn’t have any more feelings for her. I got so- so mad when I heard this.
So now I’m thinking- have I really been this delusional?! Or did I not want to see it?
I think he might have cheated maybe on me but I’m not sure. I’ll be real and I’m a very forgiving and good believing person who maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.
Also we’re in the same friendgroup and nobody really knows about the last part, and I’d hate to be that person to say hey he did this and then he’d loose all his friends- idk how to feel about that
Sorry if this story is all over the place. I have a lot of more information I can share if people want to. But I just needed to vent. If you have any advice for me do let me know. Any advice would be appreciated