Mental Illness and Feeling Forsaken by God
Disclaimer: possible triggers
Hello,
I seem to struggle with a horrible case of mental illness whenever I go off my meds, and I don't understand why God won't take this problem away from me since it causes me so much distress and to fear Him (or some Higher Power) (in a bad way) whenever I am off my medication. On my meds, I am fine, although they do numb me out (among other side effects), but I worry that when I go off my meds I experience things that people experience before they go to Hell.
It's extremely rare, but I have heard "voices" which told me frightening things. Very rarely do I "hallucinate." Mostly, I seem to experience some kind of psychosis (well, hopefully) where I form terrifying theories/beliefs about the world or how things are, especially about God forsaking me, or being less powerful than Satan (or whatever evil power).
The tricky part, though, is that I cannot dismiss it all as pure mental illness because I have experienced the supernatural and have seen things others have seen and heard things others have heard, including the people I live with, my former neighbours, and people who have purchased a home after us. I know that others share my experiences because the people who bought the townhouse after us claimed their children were haunted too, and I have been asked if I see dark, shadowy figures in our backyard, and I of course, said, "yes" because I did. These are only the tame examples; I will spare you the wild ones.
If anyone else is going through something similar, I will say that what helps me is relying on The Holy Bible for the Truth, which includes reminding myself of the father in the prodigal son to know God's character and love for us, and remembering the times God has shown me (or you) mercy.