u/No-Champion182

Today marks one month and a week since I placed my last bet and came clean to my wife, but I have relapsed. I lost just $100 after having $250 in winnings pending withdrawal. The temptation to cancel the withdrawal was there all day, and finally, I did it and lost everything. It is just $100, which, based on my history of losses, is not that much. However, it hurt a lot more than losing thousands in a single session as I did in the past. I just wanted to shout this out loud to feel a bit of relief. I still feel strong, and even though the counter has restarted, I think I am moving in the right direction.

I thought I was getting things under control. I love gambling, and I didn’t want to give it up completely, so I decided to set strict $50 limits at the casinos that allowed it and kept only a few casinos where I hadn’t self-excluded.
But today, one of those limits was lifted at a crypto casino, and within an hour, I had lost $3,000. Half of that money came from a loan shark.
Now I’m back where I’ve been too many times before: my paycheck is gone, I’m still paying off a five-year $100,000 loan, I have two loan shark debts, and both of my credit cards are maxed out.
It feels like there’s no way to stop this.
Today, for the second time in the last three years, I had to come clean to my wife. The worst part isn’t even the financial situation. As difficult as it is, I still have a job and can keep paying the bills. The hardest part is knowing that I’ve completely broken my wife’s trust. I’m also exhausted from having to start over from zero again and again.
I’m sorry for writing this, but I needed to get it off my chest. Maybe sharing these thoughts is a small way to find some relief while living through this hell.