u/No-Comfort-5773

When im alone for a long period of time my worries start fading and I slowly start finding peace.

But as soon as im around people i lose all of that, I start becoming angry and frustrated with the way people behave. I can't listen to gossip the lies the judgements the hatred it mentally breaks me and I hate myself sometimes having to apart of it too fit in.

Im not saying everyone is bad there are alot of good people i get too be around i just dont know how to function around the bad ones. I am a very empathetic person so seeing these people hurt others is something I cant accept and because I cant change it, being alone feels like my only option.

I understand isolation is not a healthy way to deal with things, maybe there is somewhere else I belong where people can respect eachother, I just dont think I can find what im looking for in this place.

Has anyone delt with this before, how did you overcome it?

We have know each other for about 6 years know (work together) we've gotten alot closer the last few years... i was dealing with alot of mental stuff and she was dealing with a really bad relationship/break-up so we was helping each other... i got attached pretty fast, there was some drama she asked me if I had feelings i lied and said no because I was afraid...but it was left at that and we stayed friends.

Fast forward to last year she started dating a guy from work a couple years younger than me, i supported her through it... but that also ended badly so helped her through that too... my feelings aside I've always tried to be there for her.

I've been alone for over 10 years now because of everything ive been dealing with and she's been the only person I've fallen for in that time... the problem was ive never felt like i was good enough so even though I like being around her it also makes me hate myself more... sometimes I would be relieved when she wasn't at work... which isn't her fault I just have alot of insecuritys... ive always suffered from depression but these feelings have been amplifying that the last few years.

Coming to the present, I've been off sick the last couple of weeks we hadn't spoke in a while because she was off sick too, so i sent her a message asking if she's okay...she told me some bad things but was getting better and asked why I was off...

I explained some other reasons but also told her my feelings for her was getting to me alot so I needed a break to sort my head out... she trusts me alot we tell each other most things but when we talk usually im just listening because she knows I dont like to talk about my own problems too much.

I explained she hasn't done anything wrong and that these are my feelings and i can deal with them.

I respect her alot she asked me if i was okay and I don't want to lie to her anymore...

But do you think I made a mistake that I should have kept it to myself, im not saying I want anything to happen between us, its just ive always felt guilty about how I feel.

She read the message yesterday but hasn't replied yet. That's not completely unusual for us because neither of us likes texting very much, but I'm worried I've changed our friendship or made things awkward.

I'm not sure what the best next step is. Would it be better to give her space and wait until we see each other at work next week, or would it help to send a short message letting her know I don't expect anything from her and that I only wanted to be honest because she asked what i was dealing with? My intention wasn't to put any pressure on her, especially as she's been dealing with a lot herself. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this in a way that respects her and our friendship.