AITA for telling my husband about my friends threesome
Names have been changed
My husband (29M) and I (30F) have been together for three years and married for two. I moved to the other side of the country two years ago and still kept in touch with my best friends. I’m in a friend group that started at Wendy’s 7 years ago. There’s Matt and Alex. Alex is my husband but we were only crushing on each other when we worked together. They had a friend name Luke from high school, but Matt and Alex were best friends since elementary school, basically brothers. There’s also Rachel and Abby. They knew each other from high school but got close working together.
Slowly we all join the Wendy’s team and Rachel starts dating Matt (7 years total). Abby has a boyfriend named Tanner (8 years total). Luke has a girlfriend named Maria (8 years total).
We work together and build friendships for years before we start getting other jobs and changing directions. First Alex left, then Matt, Rachel, Luke. I moved and Abby was the last to leave. Matt and Alex are still good friends but their friendship with Luke kinda fell off but no bad blood between them. Us three girls were inseparable. We grew so close to each other and Luke was our friend too. We had group chats, we would game together, we took trips and went to concerts together as a friend group. I started dating Alex. Rachel and Matt were so excited for us, all of our friends were!
Skip to the drama. I personally believed each of my best friends were in relationships they were not happy in, for my own reasons I believed Rachel and Abby should break up with their boyfriends and Luke should break up with his girlfriend. We all felt that with each other except about Alex and I.
Four days ago, Rachel calls me and says she has something she needs to tell me because everything is going to change. She tells me that Rachel, Abby, and Luke had a threesome. They were drunk and things just happened. Then Abby and Luke hook up just them two, the next day. Abby’s boyfriend, Tanner, goes through her phone and finds messages between Abby and Luke talking about their hook up. Tanner is breaking up with Abby and he sends screenshots of the conversation to Maria, Luke’s girlfriend. Maria breaks up with Luke. Rachel tells me that she’s telling me this because things between Rachel, Abby, and Luke are never going to be the same and if I ever visited them, we weren’t going to hang out together. I’m shocked, I don’t believe Rachel, I’m waiting for her to laugh at me for believing her, I only respond with “that’s crazy” and “I don’t know what to say right now“. Rachel asks me not to tell my husband because he’ll tell Matt and then Matt will break up with Rachel and Matt will also tell Tanner about the threesome (Tanner only knows about Abby and Luke’s second hook up) and he’s definitely not getting back together with Abby if he finds this out. I’m reluctant on telling my husband because I know he hates drama, especially if they’re not even gonna break up and we get roped into petty drama that doesn’t concern us. Rachel does ask me if I hate them and I say no. I’m disappointed because they each have a significant other.
I called Abby yesterday to ask for her story. She confirmed the threesome, she confirmed Luke and her on the side, she told me there’s more I don’t know. Rachel and Luke have been together, romantically, for the past three years. They’ve gone on vacations, stayed in hotels together, celebrated their anniversaries!!!!! Abby just found this out after Tanner broke up with her, Rachel came over to console Abby but Rachel was SO MAD at Luke and Abby said she was confused at that until Rachel confessed. So Rachel is upset her second boyfriend is cheating with her best friend, even though Rachel has been trying for a year now to convince Abby to hook up with Luke and break up with Tanner.
This changes everything. I have to tell my husband. This is too much to ask me to keep secret. It now feels like my dirty secret I’m keeping from my man even though neither of us did anything wrong. But if I tell him, everyone is gonna find everything out. This whole situation is gonna blow uppppppp.
Rachel and Abby both beg me not to tell Alex about the threesome and I’m not even supposed to know about Rachel and Luke. I tell them I can’t promise I won’t say anything. I ask them if I tell my husband, would we still be friends and they both say they don’t think so. If their boyfriends break up with them because I told Alex, they don’t know if our friendship still stands.
Luke hasn’t even text me once since this all came out. I thought he was one of the good guys, I used him as an example that men and women can truly have platonic friendships, we leaned on each other as good friends do. I have nothing to say to him anyway.
I’ll update after I talk to my husband, I have no idea when I’m gonna tell him, what I’m gonna say but I’m sure there’s more drama to come.
Update: I told my husband everything. I explained Abby and Luke, they got caught, Rachel encouraged it, I told him I don’t know about my friendships at this point and he rebutted saying this doesn’t have to be the end, people make mistakes. He’s saying this because he doesn’t know how much worse it is. I tell him about the threesome and Rachel and Luke.
We agree it’s disgusting, disappointing, selfish. We both acknowledge how the only right thing to do is to tell Matt. My husband is also concerned for me because he knows how much my friends meant to me. I just have to do the right thing and trust that our friendship will survive if I truly still want to. Abby is the only friendship I have hope we can revive. She’s been the most remorseful, the most honest after the fact.
Alex just called Matt, he came out of the room and handed me his phone, Matt’s asking for confirmation. I tell him it’s true, my heart hurts when I hear him cry. Matt asks me about my friendships with them. I’m sure he’s confused or just reaffirming it’s not lies because it’s wild hearing this from one of Rachel’s best friends.
Matt updates my husband when he’s about to break up with Rachel and when he leaves, Alex kept telling Matt to be smart and calm. I block Rachel before they start their conversation because I’m anticipating her calling me to say how dare I or how could I do this to her. I’m not dealing with responsibility that isn’t mine. Soon after Matt leaves his shared apartment, forgot to mention Matt and Rachel JUST moved in together a few months ago because she was begging for that, Matt was reluctant to moving in with Rachel. When Matt updates Alex that he’s left the apartment I get a call from Abby. I didn’t answer it because i just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. She text me saying “Rachel just called me crying. I don’t blame you for telling Alex. I just feel awful” I called her back and just told her I love her and I’m sorry she’s hurting but I had to do the right thing and I can’t be sorry for that.
While I was on the phone with Abby, Luke text me saying “I’m sorry for ruining everything you had over here. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life and take care” that means he’s still talking to Rachel and I won’t be surprised if they end up together. He was supposed to be one of the good ones, a truly platonic friend, now he’s just another disappointing man.
I’m feeling numb, I feel hurt my friends ruined everything we had, I’m upset they wanted me to keep this secret from my husband, I feel heartbroken for the future I imagined with my best friends and everything we’ve been through before. I truly appreciated and loved my friendships while they were good. I don’t know what to think or feel right now.