Need someone to just hear me out
I wanted to vent. So I've been dealing with grief lately. I lost my boyfriend, it's going to be a year now in few months since this happened. It came as a shock when I got the news because I could never expect in a million years that this would happen with me. I love him so much. I was hurt in the worst way possible. It so was unbearable for me. I still don't know how to survive without him but I am trying everyday to be better. So I was thinking about my future and this sudden thought came to my mind that what if I meet someone who is broken as me like it could be anything, trauma, constant neglect, trust issues or whatever. Imagine if I were to date this person in future and they know about my past how would that made them feel? because if I try to put myself in their perspective I would feel like a replacement knowing that I could never be the person she loved so purely and still loves him, maybe it will hang on me like a constant reminder that what if she sees him in me, what if I could never be good enough for her, like her boyfriend used to be? I know past can bug a lot of people and I am one of them. Truth to be told yeah, I could never forget my boyfriend, I will always and dearly love him more than anyone but I also don't want to hurt anyone knowingly or unknowingly. Yet I will always crave for that love that I never got, I have abandonment issues and get attached to people but in the end I am always left alone, so my mind will always try to find that sort of connection but in that process what if I hurt someone? Also the mere thought of dating someone else feels like I'm unfaithful to my love and guilt comes along. Idk a lot is going on with me and feels like I am on the edge....
Try to bear with me and thanks for listening, means a lot to me.