Equitable estate planning with step kids (NY)
I have two step kids and two kids with my husband. My husband had some money when we met while I had nothing, and he has earned significantly more than I have for the ten years that we’ve been together. I will probably have a large enough inheritance to make it almost even. I would prefer not to have separate finances—I would like to bring my inheritance to the marriage as he has most of his salary. But I want an equitable estate plan that leaves our kids with roughly the same amount of money. He wants to just split his four ways, which means my step kids will inherit twice (their mom makes more than he does). He says the answer is for me to just keep my inheritance separate so my kids inherit twice too. I don’t love this idea for two reasons: it might be unfair the other way (he doesn’t have significant savings because he will have a pension, while I plan to contribute to our life in retirement at something like a 4% withdrawal rate and leave the principal for the estate), and I think life is just better as a married couple when money is shared. What do people do in this situation? I fully agree the step kids should get their share when he dies, if he dies first, and not have to wait for me to die.