u/No-Start-7670

It's honestly stupid, but I keep seeing and feeling bugs everywhere. Like 2 weeks ago, my face right in front of a shelf at the end of my bed, and a relatively big spider ran across it, right in front of my face. I'm so stupidly afraid of spiders. Ever since that happened I feel them everywhere, I feel them crawling on me everywhere, I swear I see a spider every corner, and not only spiders, like this one time it looked like a big one but maybe a medium sized dog?? Idek why it's happening either, ofc I've seen spiders in my room before and it spooked me for a bit, but never like this? Right around the worst times of my mental health I started seeing shadows and creatures all the time, but I'm in a better place so I know that it's possibly not related to that. Idk, I feel a little crazy abt this, cause who just starts seeing spiders everywhere where they aren't?? I just wanted to talk about it

I want to relapse so bad. I'm over 200 days recently, but everything around me has just gone to shit and it all makes me want to relapse. I struggle with my self image, no matter what I do or how hard I try and I cannot properly or find motivation to lose weight and it's fucking with me really bad. It's summer now so I don't have to get up every week for school, and I hardly ever hang out with friends, so I'm inside all day doing nothing and not motivated at all, eating like a pig which just makes me feel like shit. I know the obvious is to keep trying and not relapse but it's getting so hard. Literally the only alternative I can think of is cutting all my damn hair off bc I've been eyeing this haircut for a bit, but I want to keep my long hair so I'm really trying hard to battle between keeping my hair and my clean streak. Also bc I feel so disgusted by how my body looks it puts me in a deeper slump, making me not want to go outside, or else I'd be outside often, even just on my own, but I overthink everyone looking at me and thinking everything bad I think of myself, and it becomes too much and I don't step foot outside at all. I'm so tired and my family constantly fighting don't help with any of this either.

I still live in my mom's house, but it's honestly filthy here. I sweep my room every weekend, but don't mop often and also wanted insights for when I get my own place how often I should. My mom doesn't try much to keep up with cleanliness like mopping the floors or even sweeping, so I literally have no idea. She pushes it aside and most times considers it useless.