u/No-Touch8362

I am genuinely so done with life there is no point anymore I am so bad at school (math and social studies specifically) even tho I am good at science (only missing 3 marks) y parents still treat me like I am a failure and I don't Blame them, i even failed my programing course which was my 2nd chance for a future (and to join i have to wait 2 years and get good marks at math which again i suck at) i barely even went to school last year i only went for tests and the first few weeks, my friend is akways busy and barely tetxs me and my other friend now hates me cuz she knows i am an atheist, my parents are strict and dont allow me to do things i love (so i do them behind their back) but it's still annoying, they always see me as the stereotypical awful teenager representation on TV (staying in my room 24/7 and shi) and whenever I try to talk about my mental health and my struggles they never belive me or just give me a lecture on why "god" gave me all this and that he knows what's he is doing (I don't belive in God btw) , they always prefer my brother over me but deny it , and it's just annoying I feel pathetic venting or saying anything cuz ik others have it worse I dint even SH and it just feels like I don't have any proof that I am struggling (okay other than my dropping grades and neglecting my self as a whole) but everyone says it's cuz I am lazy and not cuz I feel like I am genuinely 2 mins away from ending it I am just a pain in everyone's ass and yet they pretend they need me around and it's stupid but I'd rather die than grow up to be a failure I am just disgusting I barely take care of my hygiene and I barely clean my room , whenever I try to go outside my parents get annoying and tell me not to, I don't wanna be anything anymore the only things I do now is just play video games which are somehow the only thing I like to do yet my parents banned all the games I play (I play them on my brother's I pad but he is lokwey a bitch sometimes) and it sounds like just video games but it's like my only safe place. I have so many things I don't understand about my self I can't concentrate anymore I always end up day dreaming even if I don't want to I am always late to places my sleep is fucked up I am always sick and have no energy even if I just woke up I can't eat properly anymore and I get panic attacks a lot with no reason ,i am always angry and cant control my self and idk what to do about that everyone thinks I am faking when I always feel like I might throw up and I I don't know why I am posting this the only thing I am somewhat good at is drawing (yes I am the one who drew the drawing I used for this post) but even then ik others are better and whenever I think I am good it makes me feel pathetic