u/No-Trifle-7682

I want to start off by saying that I love my job. I love seeing hard work pay off when I successfully taught a student to read and when they meet their goals.

I teach at a title 1 school in a rural area (mostly white, uneducated, and many students live in poverty). I sometimes feel guilty for saying that but I have been feeling overwhelmed at how many special ed students our school has. It seems like every classroom on a particular grade level has 6-7 kids with IEPs. I love all my kids but sometimes I wish there was more teachers, resources and funding to help these kids. We are short a sped teacher and everyone is feeling overwhelmed.

We also have many students who are severely disabled being mainstreamed. This affects the resource classes because resource isn’t just small group anymore. It often feels like managing screaming autistic meltdowns while trying to teach the other students. There is also an important increase in students who are not potty trained. Resource classes have replaced self-contained classrooms and LD students often get overshadowed due to the needs of more severe students. It isn’t fair. When the severely disabled children don’t get what they need, it affects all the other children. (Obviously no fault of the children). I don’t know why such a small town would have so many of these children. I seriously wonder if there is something toxic in the soil.

I was so excited to get the orange juice on my first ball of this series :)

It looks super realistic and I am happy with it but I am afraid of it leaking. Has anyone else tried sealing it to prevent leaks?

I will do my best to keep from rambling so I will start with a brief introduction. My brother and I are in our 30’s and we lost our mom from cancer a few months ago. I have been struggling with grief, depression, and feeling overwhelmed.

I wish I had a close relationship with my brother where I could talk to him about my feelings but he has said many hateful things about my mom. He blames her for not being an “active” grandparent to his kids. She died from cancer and has been very compromised in her health since the first time she had cancer back in 2013. From 2013 until her death, she was extremely limited, physically and due to a very low immune system. My brother has shown no compassion for her situation. A year before she passed, my brother said he looked forward to her passing so she wouldn’t be a “burden” anymore.

I love my mother very much and miss her terribly every day. When she was alive, I took care of her because she lived with me. I never asked my brother to help put because he has a family and I am single so don’t know why he described her that way. He wasn’t dealing with her issues. I was. He has continued to have a negative way of my mom due to her limitations.

He had my dad and I over at his house for dinner the other night. He was drinking and I could tell that his lips were loose and his filter was off based on hateful comments he made towards extended family members. I did not respond because I didn’t want to escalate the situation. I asked my dad after we finished eating if he was ready to go since we rode together. By this time, we had already been visiting for 2 hours so it wasn’t like we were rushing off. My brother said to me, “ He doesn’t have to leave if he doesn’t want to. If you don’t like it you can go sit outside.” So I sat outside because I didn’t want to be around all his drinking and rudeness.

He has never apologized for his behavior and never has. He is a deacon in his church, which really bothers me. I wanted to start going to his church after mom passed but his behavior is so inconsistent with how a deacon should act. Yes we all make mistakes but this is a pattern of behavior which he never shows remorse for. I would love to have a relationship with him but I can only control myself. I cannot stand to be around him.

I need to find a church to go. I have been struggling since dealing with depression and my mom’s passing but his behavior discourages me.

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