u/No-Trouble7162

Hi. Im a 46m. Have LC the ME subtype. Have pots and mcas. I've been wondering, have any men here tried testosterone therapy, like using testogel?. I would appreciate if anyone could share their experience both good and bad. Thanks.

Edit: felt like sharing as well. I have been over the years slightly on the lower side but within normal range. I did use testogel before LC on and off, sometimes just a half a pouch all with doctors guidance. It can be dangerous to take to much even though it's just a small dosage and nothing like anabolic steroids because of the blood volume getting to high, risking heart attach and stuff like that. But it always made me feel better.

After two years of this. I have gotten to the point of stop caring what other people (including family members and friends) potentially think of me or if they judge me with their lack of knowledge. I have suffered so much that I almost look down on people that haven't suffered as much as I and many of us here have. I know it's a weird thing to say. But it kinda is also very liberating. I've wasted so much energy in being resentful towards this and that person, which has only made my condition worse. I don't know of it's like a fake zen thing I'm doing and that I'm just brushing frustration away, but it is very liberating actually to just let go of people the way I'm doing now and have done for the past few weeks. I just don't have anything to loose anyway.

I won't let people suck away my energy anymore. I'm at the point where I am ready to go from this world. I won't take my own life, I don't want to do that, but I actually wouldn't mind just to fall a sleep and not wake up again. I'm ready. But if and until that happens, I'm going to continue to not give a shit anymore about other people that have let me down. They aren't even a part of my family or friend circle anymore in my mind. And I am not grieving that anymore. I'm just at fuck it, fuck them. This has actually made my life easier. I do rest more like I should and I don't do it anymore with as much guilt. I don't ruminate as much in anger and resentment to this and that person.

I just don't care anymore about my relationships with others. I don't need anyone of these people anyway. I have gotten through the grieving process and now I'm just going to be the most selfish person in the world and only try to take care about myself. Because I don't have energy for anything else. I still care for people of course. But I don't care about their opinions and their lack of understanding anymore. I'm just self sufficient, no one else than me needs to know what I'm going through.

I've been a good son I believe all my life. Been there for my parents as much as I can. My father passed away last year after years of battling cancer. I've been ill now for two years and the last year of his life I was very sick myself after a covid infection, followed by Long Covid and Mecfs. I couldn't be there for him as much as I wanted. I was battling endless lung infections, pem crashes and going through research and diagnosis of mecfs etc and had to stay away from him often to protect him from getting infections from me. It was hard for him, we were very close and best buddies. I have enormous guilt for not being able to be there for him his last year as much as I would have wanted.

Now I haven't been able to take care of my mom as much as I would like to be able to and I also don't want her to worry about me. Everyday I'm feeling off, dealing with this disease and am mostly bedbound or in my sofa, I can drive to a calm convenient store and a pharmacy that are near my home and buy food and meds for myself but that's pretty much it, and I hardly can do it some days but do it anyways so people don't have to worry or take care of me.

I do have two siblings that are taking care of my mom (socialising, taking her to the store or buying groceries for her, taking her out etc) and I wish I could do as much as they do.

Me and my mom talk everyday and I always dread the question of how I am doing because I'm not doing well. I don't want to tell my mom everyday that I'm not doing well. I wish I could say to her that I'm feeling great and that we can go do something together like we always did. But I also don't want to be dishonest to her, so I often just say that Im ok but could be better or something like that.She is understanding and knows that this is serious what I'm going through. But I still feel guilt. I should be healthy and physically strong and be there for her, I'm only forty something years old, but energy and health wise, I feel like I'm the same age as her (almost 80). She even seems to have more energy than I have and can do more daily things than I can.

I know it's irrational but I feel like I have failed as a son taking care or being there for his parents and that I'm failing now to be there for my mother after my father passed away.

I could perhaps be taking better care of myself by eating better and pacing better, doing all the supplements suggested, avoid some foods or drinks etc but I just don't have the energy to take 100% good care of myself to get better and sometimes it's more convenient and easier to for example eat and prepare frozen processed food and I do enjoy some beers once in a while (I know I shouldn't do that) and I do that I guess just to cope.

I feel guilty for not being there for my mom as much as I would like and I feel guilty for not being able to take 100% good care of myself to potentially get better. I know this all perhaps sounds stupid and or irrational. But just wanted to get this from my chest.

There were so many things I took for granted before getting sick. Am 46 male got ME after covid. Two years in now. Just being able to walk outside in nature for a while is something I miss greatly. I loved hiking. I miss my old life. Being able to work, play my guitar at home or with my buddies, go fishing, meeting friends and having a few beers, being a handyman for my mother, I miss being able to fix stuff at home, plumbing, painting, organising, renovating stuff. I miss playing call of duty, I know it might sound silly for a 46 year old, but it was a hobby I just started a few years ago during covid era when I was given an old Playstation, but now I can't because my nervous system can't handle it. I can't even watch thriller TV shows or movies, it's kinda embarrassing.

I miss going to big stores without being exhausted during and after. I miss being strong and using my core strength, my legs and my arms and hands while doing physically demanding stuff. I miss being able to walk easily down and up the stairs in my building and not feeling any effect. I miss being able to go outside and walk or do activities in winter frost without getting a lung infection, PEM or an asthma attack. I miss being able to eat what I want without worrying about histamines effects and nausea, intolerances, rapid heart rate and stuff like that. Not having to organize and take all these pills and inhalers. Being comfortable and calm in my body and feeling good while I socialize with neighbours or other people I meet.

Having everything in order and clean at my home and being able to keep it that way, now I'm always "chasing" and never get things completely done. Driving without being in constant fight or flight mode. Being outside on my balconies without worrying about weather I'm getting too cold or too warm. I miss drinking a few beers and be buzzed or slightly drunk without paying for it as a trainwreck for a few days.

I miss having a fully functioning brain, being witty, having words fluently coming out of my mouth, being creative and being able to focus. And I just miss being able to do whatever I want whenever I want.

Being in bed most of the day or sitting in my sofa is really not the life I expected to have at this age.

Sorry for venting here and if my english grammar is bad. I don't know why I'm writing this and posting this, I just felt like doing it today for some reason.

I wish everyone here all the best and I hope we all will get better one day, hopefully sooner than later ♥️