u/No-Tune-4984

First time poster, 30M - Developed panic disorder with agoraphobia late in my early 20s. At its worst, I could not leave my apartment. I have since slowly gotten my life back. I can pretty much go anywhere within an hour of home without anxiety at this point. I have flown alone and driven to major cities and rural area several hours away. BUT I have also backed out of trips. I have gotten halfway to a destination and turned around. I cannot understand the pattern there. Why am I able to do some trips with moderate difficulty but other trips I freeze up and can't make happen? Part of me thinks it's the feeling of pressure. Like if it's an optional trip, it feels easier. But for something I HAVE to be at like a work thing or wedding I freak out. Do anyone else struggle to understand why some things are easier than others? What do you do about it?

This came about because I was recently supposed to take an airplane trip with my relatively new girlfriend (dating for seven months). I have traveled with her in the car on trips but this is our first airplane trip. We were going to buy tickets the other day but I basically had a nervous breakdown about it. I feel extreme guilt to travel with her even though she says, "life is long and we will do these thing some other time." She says, "I'm disappointed, but I understand." I absolutely hate feeling like a disappointment because of my anxiety. It makes me feel so defective. In the wake of this episode, I find myself wanting to avoid her. Like being around her is just too stressful. This is my first serious relationship in many years, and I don't know how to navigate being a good boyfriend while also not driving myself literally insane.

Thanks for any advice you all have.