How do you explore spirituality when you were raised to fear it?
I was raised in a very conservative Seventh day Adventist environment, but right now; I am deeply drawn to spirituality. There’s this part of me that genuinely wants to explore it, but every time I try, I’m immediately confronted with this overwhelming sense of guilt.
Thoughts like, “You’re talking to demons,” “This is forbidden,” “This is an idol,” or “You shouldn’t be doing this” come almost automatically.
Even something as simple as meditation can bring this up. And when I try something more involved, like a tarot reading, I can become so conflicted that I can’t fully immerse myself in the experience.
I am so tired of organized religion, but I also can’t bring myself to believe that there’s simply “nothing” out there.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you learn to explore spirituality without constantly feeling like you were doing something wrong? Is this a sign that spirituality simply isn’t compatible with me?