I didn’t realize being a parent would leave me feeling just as “alien” as I felt as a kid.
I grew up and found my people, I don’t spend time with those who can’t tolerate me, think im weird or rude or immature…like, ive found my people and those who don’t get me don’t get me…You think you’ve grown out of certain insecurities and then your kids go to school…
My oldest autistic kid is in elementary school and I have to deal with the same parents year after year even if they make me feel that same feeling. Where it’s clear they think I’m weird as shit and they’re not so good at hiding their judgement. Even if our kids are friends, even if we have multiple kids in classes together. It’s so few parents really but it’s still there. Or strange interactions with the teachers because there’s a rule book for how to interact with the teachers that obviously I don’t understand even when I think I do…
…and then I’m the parent advocating for my autistic kid and teachers nod and smile but don’t understand why my super bright kid needs accommodations because “they look like they’re doing so well!” It’s so hard and so awkward and the cost to my capacity is so much higher than makes sense.
Then I leave school and we go to after school sports and I watch as the coaches clearly think my kid is odd and im odd and it doesn’t matter if we gave 200% of our capacity to the team or that my kid is deeply focused and committed, nobody ever wants us on the same team two years in a row.
Whether they know we’re autistic or not it’s the same shit and I wish I knew I’d have to deal with this all over again but worse because im watching its impacts on my child simultaneously. And there’s nothing I can do. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to play the game by their rules there is no winning.
School and sports already demand so much more of our family, and then for some reason it’s made harder than that for no reason at all just because people can smell our ‘tism a mile away.
Fuck. Solidarity and support welcome.