Struggling to get over my girlfriend’s past
My girlfriend (23f) and I (23m) met around 11 months ago, and have been officially dating now for nearly 9 months. I love this girl to bits and I know she loves me the same amount back. For some context we both went to high school together and I always had a crush on her back then. Mainly because she was very pretty but also because she was a very quiet and reserved girl who didn’t speak much, which is similar to myself.
Near the beginning of our relationship we had a brief chat about our past partners (sexual and relationships) and I was honestly a bit disgusted and repulsed by hers. She admitted to having slept with around 15 people, including 3 other girls, having a threesome, one night stands, and only one serious long term relationship during university. I was shocked as I didn’t expect this at all.
I myself am a very frugal person when it comes to stuff like this, and I have only every had 1 past partner both romantically and sexually. I have and would never have sex with someone outside of a relationship as I believe sex is a very special and intimate thing that I can only share with someone I am genuinely romantically in love with. However her past goes completely against my beliefs, and that’s okay I’m not using it against her or shaming her, but I just struggle to see past it and it makes me look at her slightly different. It makes me sick when I think about it sometimes and I imagine all the people she’s slept with and how the situation unfolded and all these little details. It’s driving me crazy. Sometimes I want to bring it up and ask her more things but I know that will only make the situation in my head much worse lol.
I don’t know if I’ll meet another girl I click with like this again, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to look past this. I don’t want to live the rest of my life constantly thinking about it silently with her. That’s not fair on her either.
Tl;dr my girlfriends past repulses me and make me look at her differently and I don’t know how I will be able to look past it now that I know.