I don't know what's wrong with me
I am actually a shy/introverted guy, a below average looking guy, not handsome, maybe a 4/10. I am very insecure about my looks. I don't talk to any strangers and even if I talk to them, I feel like I am very boring. I don't fit in there.
I don't have any female friends either. I know that is because of my character and the way I am. I don't know how to talk. I don't know how to express my feelings. I don't smile at people first because I think they are not interested in me. My friends mock me, saying I don't have feelings, but I cry a lot when I am alone. I don't remember when I last laughed genuinely.
Sometimes I feel like people like me should not exist in the world. I don't think I am a good brother or a good son either.
I don't think I even deserve a relationship. I don't know if a girl would like me. I don't know if I would hurt her. I don't know if I can express my love to her. I don't know if I would become a burden to her.
Sometimes I imagine myself leading a happy life with my wife and kids. But then I remember who I am and what I am like and I feel like maybe that kind of life isn't meant for me.