u/No_Bike_6331

I have a genuine question: after marriage, is it fair to talk to your mom about your personal life and family issues?
I’m not talking about private husband-wife matters or sharing things that should remain confidential between spouses. I mean things that directly involve you, how you’re being treated, how you’re feeling, conflicts that affect you, or situations where you need support.

Personally, I believe every daughter should be transparent with her parents about how she is being treated by her husband and in-laws. My view is that if something doesn’t involve you, it’s not your story to tell. But if it involves you, your parents have a right to know, and you have a right to seek support from them.

Growing up, I shared almost everything with my mom; relationships, breakups, problems, achievements, all of it. She has always supported me, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t really have close friends I trust deeply, so she has always been my main support system. Sometimes I would rather talk to my mom than anyone else.

After I got married, my MIL told me that whatever happens in the family should stay within the family and that I shouldn’t tell my parents anything. Her view was that if I’m upset or depressed, nobody outside the family should know. She said she would make sure I was happy and secure.

The problem is that life doesn’t work that way. Even if she treats me well, she can’t always protect me from everyone else or solve every problem I might face. Having support outside the household matters.

When I talk to my mom, I’m not giving her a play-by-play of every family issue or trying to create drama. Sometimes it’s just small things, someone said something that upset me, or I need to vent. My mom is actually the type of person who believes people should maintain peace and harmony in the family. At the same time, she doesn’t tolerate unfair treatment. I trust that she won’t interfere unnecessarily, but she will listen, support me, and help me think clearly.

What I don’t understand is why some in-laws expect daughters-in-law to stop sharing things with their parents after marriage. If my MIL’s own daughter was struggling, would she want her to stay silent and keep everything to herself? I genuinely wonder.

Am I wrong for thinking that marriage shouldn’t mean losing your parents as a support system?

I came to a realization recently that a lot of Nepali parents, especially mothers, seem incredibly lonely.

Many of them don’t really have hobbies, close friendships, or interests outside of family. They spent most of their lives being busy; raising children, managing the household, working, taking care of everyone else, and never had the chance to develop a life of their own. Then one day the children grow up, move away, get married, build careers, and suddenly there’s a huge void.

I think fathers experience this too, especially after retirement. While they’re working, they have colleagues, routines, and social interactions. Once that ends, many become lonely as well.

It made me wonder: is this one of the reasons Nepali parents become so emotionally attached to their children?

When children are young and need attention, parents are often busy trying to make life easier for them. Then when those children become adults and have lives of their own, parents seem to expect that most of their free time should be spent with family.

It’s almost like:
“We’re waiting for you to finish your work so we can spend time together.”
Or:
“You’ve finished work for the day. What else do you have to do? Sit and chat with us until bedtime.”

I completely understand wanting connection and companionship. But if you’re expected to gather every single day and talk for hours, eventually there isn’t much to talk about. A lot of conversations end up revolving around relatives, family drama, and gossip. After a long day of work, not everyone wants to spend their evening discussing what distant relatives are doing.

What’s strange is that growing up, I never really thought about the possibility that our parents might simply be lonely.

For example, I wouldn’t describe my own parents as lonely. My mom has friends she goes to movies, cafes, restaurants, shopping trips, and holidays with. If she’s bored, she’ll watch dramas or serials. My dad reads books, plays cards, takes naps, and generally keeps himself occupied. They still work as well, which probably helps.

On the other hand, I sometimes feel that my in-laws are lonely. They seem to be constantly waiting to spend time with us, almost longing for their children. At the same time, they frequently complain that we don’t spend enough time with them and try to make us feel guilty about it. Ironically, that guilt makes people want to distance themselves even more because it starts to feel emotionally draining.

Is this common in Nepal?

Do you think loneliness among older parents is something we don’t talk about enough? And if so, how can adult children help without becoming their parents’ entire social life?

It’s also a sensitive topic because you can’t exactly tell someone, “I think you’re lonely.” We’ve gently encouraged hobbies, reading, social activities, and spending time with friends, but it often feels like they’re simply waiting for us instead.

I’d love to hear other people’s experiences.

I’m wondering whether I’m being unreasonable about a recurring boundary issue with my in-laws.

I live overseas and left some personal belongings with family for safekeeping. Recently, I found out that one of those items had been given to another family member and was being used regularly. Nobody told me, and nobody asked my permission beforehand.

The item has sentimental value because it was part of my wedding jewelry gifted by my family.

What bothers me isn’t necessarily that someone used it. It’s that the decision seems to have been made without any communication with me at all.

This also isn’t the first time I’ve felt uncomfortable about boundaries around my belongings. In the past, the same family member would wear my clothes without asking. I didn’t make a big issue of it at the time, but it still felt uncomfortable.

There is also a small piece of jewelry that went missing, which my husband bought for me in Pokhara. I had only worn it once and then couldn’t find it afterward. On one occasion while we were going somewhere, I noticed the same family member wearing it and they even asked me how it looked, but I didn’t realise at the time that it was actually mine.
Looking back, it’s possible I may have left it in a drawer of a piece of furniture that was later moved into their room. I don’t have any proof of what happened, so I’m not accusing anyone. I just know that it was never returned to me, and I’ve been left unsure about it.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder whether I’ve unintentionally created the impression that it’s okay to use my belongings without asking because I never clearly objected in the past.
If someone had simply asked me first, I honestly might not have minded. The lack of permission and communication is what’s bothering me.
If the person who passed the item on acknowledged they should have asked and agreed not to do it again, I think I would feel okay about it.
Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable to expect people to ask before giving someone else access to your personal belongings?