Casual talk with an ILI friend and suddenly I see the Positivism in me😂
I’ve had my reservations about being a positivist, since I’m usually pretty keen on picking up what’s unspoken or missing when something feels off, until I had this catch-up with an ILI friend. I found it pretty revealing, so I figure I'd share it for fun (it's probably not fun).
Context: we are very much in the same boat and we are very close, so we tend to skip a lot of emotional reassurance.
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ILI: **heavy edited drunk rambling** back home here everything gets done over drinks but not gonna lie drinking really gets shit done fck I busted my ass for my PI and he’s sitting on my four unpublished papers while this dude (I drank with today) is so loyal and devoted and brought his phd everywhere (to drink and connect) I can’t 😭 I just envy them so much
Me: I got the gist that you are indeed an Fi-lover while reading this half-awake
ILI: LMAO I AM.
ILI: funny my PI finally got back to me (*after ghosting him for 8 months). I’m going to ask his opinion about my career development.
ILI: Damn, if I were in a normal lab and got all my papers published, I’d be doing a postdoc in US now.
Me: Well, take another perspective, it can be a blessing in disguise.
ILI: OK that’s true.
Me: If I weren’t gaslit by *that toxic misogynistic narcissistic postdoc* I’d probably decide to continue doing research.
Me: But it’s always going to be a bit off for me, and in the end pure teaching/student advising will still suit me better.
Me: So it’s a sooner or later discovery.
Me: Your PI holding you back was probably the universe’s force pushing you into your right direction early rather than late.
ILI: hahahahaha that’s very true.
ILI: I can actually sense tenure isn’t the right path for me anyways. I just can’t let go of the things I was able to do. I feel really sad about it.
Me: Yeah it's very relatable. Even I have something to miss about research. It’s a unique experience and that’s why I always call it an “uncomfortable comfort zone” for us.
Me: The two things are: 1. It’s not like you have any choice right now. You are basically forced out. 2. You can probably come back to academia in maybe 10-20yrs given that you are in engineering.
ILI: LMAO. That’s the accurate description.
ILI: Yeah our industry and academia are very tightly linked.
ILI: Perhaps, it’s just all the time I don’t feel like I actually have a choice. It’s always a forced choice by some external factor.
Me: Oh I think I know what you mean.
Me: Sometimes even if I made the choice, and I sensed my strong autonomy in the choice I made, there would always be another very strong feeling of “this is after all just fate” deep in my heart.
ILI: Exactly that.
Me: We are given the illusion of choices lol.
Me: In reality we follow the planned out scenarios.
ILI: Yes.
Me: And that’s fine because this scenario is exactly the lesson we need to take.
Me: Focus on the scenario being given to you.
ILI: Now it sounds much better.
Me: yeah you know woo-woo speaking, this is the only “true choice” you’ve made prior your incarnation of this life, you picked the scenario for yourself because it’s what you need
ILI: THAT’S VERY RIGHT.
*we are both woo-wooing to cope*
ILI: *shit talk a bunch about the job offers he got*
Me: that’s a lot of money though not gonna lie
ILI: You are probably right…Seems like my situation isn’t too bad after all.
Me: Half of this conversation my mind just plays “oh now I see why they say IEI is positivist” in the back of my mind
ILI: *laugh*