u/No_Charge9215

I don’t know if it’s because I’m cutting back heavily on weed or not, but I’ve really stepped it back on smoking the last two days and I’ve been shitting water, I’m getting hot and cold sweats and my heart is beating out of my chest and stomach. I have this impending sense of doom and I can’t shake it it is so debilitating. I honestly really need someone to talk to me about this who knows more about it.

I literally just had the best 2 months with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. She approached me first when we met, dm’d me first looking to get together, asked me on the first and second date, initiated first kiss, brought me into her family events and to get close with them, talked so certain about the long and short term future. But she ended things after a family retreat/vacation because she just isn’t feeling the butterflies but wants to stay around eachother, we are in a new close friend group together and we have been seeing each other a lot still.

For context her step dad suddenly passed away tragically 8 days into us dating and she has had to support her mom, herself, stepbrother, and do so so much more in her life that she literally has been run into the ground. Grief has swallowed her whole so I feel like no duh she doesn’t feel the butterflies. She said when she was on her trip and seeing all these cool sites she just really wanted not having to put her energy towards anyone and that was her confirmation because she thought she should feel a desire to share all these things with me.

She started crying after and said how she isn’t sure if it’s the grief or not, and how she genuinely was excited for and enjoyed each time she hung out with me but didn’t go home with all the giddy mind consuming feelings (which again I’m like no duh you’ve slept 10 total hours in the last week and our date was the only 4 hours of free time you’ve had. Yet you still desired giving me that time freely) Then followed that with she’s scared that I’m going to be the best guy she ever meets and she’s just going to pass up on me. I’ve heard similar things before and knew it was just to make me feel better, but she genuinely meant all this from the bottom of her heart. Also that her entire family is not happy with her decision. But she is vocally firm in her decision as the present stands.

I’m going to actively accept she’s is gone and move on. But while I am still frequently around her all the time. I was curious if anyone knows how to make her feel those butterflies that come from mystery and anxiety??? She basically subconscious kept me around for the boyfriend privileges and support I was giving her but she has no responsibility and unfortunately knows I’m not going anywhere right now. She knows my value as a partner, maybe better than anyone else knows it. But I made her feel so safe and secure and at peace during just a time of sorrow in her life not knowing she’s looking for butterflies (anxiety) that I pushed her away being too good.

So like I said anyone knows how to make her feel those butterflies that come from mystery and anxiety?

Thank you for any help!

The Sun was setting on her and night was drawing near. And as she’s walking down the cold street as the world goes dark around her, a lamppost right over her head turns on as she walks underneath it. Not a bright headache inducing LED light, but a soft, warm, orange light. Calm and safe, giving her a sense of peace. The light was steady, secure, and unwavering. But this was not the light be was seeking. She wanted fireworks. Bright, colorful, exciting, loud, unpredictable. The soft comfort of the warm lamppost carried no weight to her over the idea of the fireworks. So she leaves the comfort of the lamppost and walks off into the dark. She will find fireworks somewhere. They will be unpredictable, loud, and exciting and colorful and bright…..but they will end and quick as they started and she will be left in the dark again. She will look back and she the lamppost, still holding firm and shining to those around him. But she is not.

Hey everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I’m having a hard time telling if I’m overthinking or if something is actually shifting.
I (early 20s M) have been seeing a girl (early 20s F) for about 2 months. Things moved fairly quickly in the beginning in terms of emotional connection, time spent together, and overall comfort level, but recently things have felt more confusing.
For context, she has been going through a lot:
She just recently graduated and has been dealing with the stress of finishing school
Her stepdad unexpectedly passed away a few weeks ago
She’s been helping support her mom and dealing with grief/family responsibilities on top of everything else
Despite all of that, our connection has generally felt strong. Early on and up until recently, things were going well emotionally and she’s expressed appreciation for me being supportive and present during a difficult time.
For context in our relationship:
I’ve met and spent time with her family during graduation-related events
She has expressed gratitude for me and said I make her feel supported
We’ve been physically affectionate (first kiss, etc.)
She has mentioned future plans involving me (like attending family events)
Up until very recently, everything felt very positive and consistent emotionally.
The shift I’m confused about started this past weekend:
We had a really good date Saturday. She seemed fully engaged and affectionate as usual, but after the movie she seemed very exhausted and ready to go home.
Sunday her energy felt a bit off, but later in the day she became more like herself again and even told me she was “very appreciative of me 🤍”
Monday we went to a Bible study together. During it, there was a lot of discussion about her stepdad and her grief, and she became noticeably more emotional and withdrawn
She still kissed me goodbye and was kind, but she seemed really emotionally overwhelmed
That night, she said she just wanted to take space the next day to “curl up in a ball and not talk to anyone,” and I encouraged her to take that space and not feel obligated to respond to me.
On Tuesday (yesterday), she did take that space but still texted me throughout the day about what she was doing. Her engagement felt lower than usual but she was still in contact.
The main thing that’s stuck with me is last night:
She sent a very short goodnight text
No heart emoji (which she has used consistently for weeks up until now)
She did include a smiley face, but the lack of the heart felt like a noticeable shift
Since then, her texting has felt slightly less engaged overall, though she is still responding and still initiating updates about her day.

What’s throwing me off is:
Nothing feels “bad” or like she’s pulling away completely, but the energy shift is noticeable compared to how consistent and warm things had been before this weekend.
I’m not sure if this is:
Normal emotional exhaustion/grief + life stress + post-intensity comedown
OR
Early signs of her emotionally pulling back / losing interest
I also recognize I may be over-reading small signals (like emojis and tone), but because things moved somewhat quickly early on emotionally, I feel more attached than I expected at this stage.

Would appreciate honest outside perspectives, am I overthinking normal emotional fluctuation, or does this sound like a real shift?