My Asian parents made me scared of vulnerability and asking for what I need in a relationship
Growing up, my Vietnamese parents would yell at me whenever I told them, well, anything. When I asked for more emotional support as a child because I was being bullied at school, they said that it was my fault because I was too tomboyish and rambunctious at school and I should put my head down to not draw attention. When I told my mom about my first crush in the third grade, she made fun of me and told my dad, even though I told her not to. When I asked for help on my homework, they would yell at me if I didn't understand an "easy" concept. Over time, I learned to keep everything to myself and become hyper-independent, maybe to a fault. When I was being tested for ADHD, my parents refused to pick up the results because ADHD was a "white people illness."
I'm 30 now, and every time I want to ask my partner for something I need/want from him, I clam up. It takes me hours to gather enough courage and strength to tell him verbally or via text. I think I'm being too needy. I think I'm being weak. I think I should just suck it up so I don't rock the boat, which leads to built up resentment. I think that's probably why most of my previous relationships ended, honestly. I hate that I'm feeling this way.