K-pop obsession is genuinely killing me my innerself
I don't even know how to begin but all I can say is I genuinely need help. I was having a real tough year with losing my best friend, college exams problems, fights within household e.t.c which led me to having suic*dal thoughts and thoughts of harming myself so to sort of find an escape I found myself lost in a kpop group which has been making waves nowadays. Now the problem is they put a smile on my face but the moment they're gone or are not online, I go back to the previous phase of depression. And the member who's my bias is THE most hated member of the group, actually he's one of top most hated idols in general(it's annoying cause in general also, whoever I like is not liked by many for some reason), anyway so the hate he gets automatically gets to me too. I watch his videos as a happy pill, it physically hurts my body when people throw hate for no reason. All in all my personal life is really messed up cause I'm not working on my growth and am rather busy in monitoring the life of these idols and what people say about them. My happiness depends on them cause Idk how to make myself content with my own life and not listen to the outside noise. Please help me figure it out because I can't and I've been crying for days over it. Wouldn't have come over here if it wasn't legit killing me because like I've never been this obsessed with people on a screen, people who I'll never meet and have never met.
Ps. I don't have the usual "jealousy" problem that kpop stans have(of their idol dating someone or stuff like that), or even the jealousy girls have over bodies of female idols and all..I don't struggle with that, I just want to find a direction of my own life because I'm genuinely loosing myself in this kpop world which I see as escapism and somehow not be effected by the hate my fave gets.