got ghosted for several months, he reached out, replied once, and ghosted me again
I (32F) had a really intense entanglement with a man (51M) which lasted 9 months with a break of 3 months inbetween. It was heavily sexual, somehow we just clicked in a way that was special, and our time in the bedroom was an outwordly experience. Our boundaries have always been blurry, but he crossed some disrespectful lines after 4 months of seeing each other. I called it quits. Later that year in September we rekindled, and it was better than ever. It felt like we got a hang on each others communication, it felt more caring, and most of all more fun because I developed real trust. Shit hit the fan again when he started retreating and younger women came into the picture again (same as first time) – misspelling my name suddenly, change in tone etc., lying about other women he was seeing. I called it quits again, this time really abruptly. I first suggested talking and what not, he said he was busy, and ignored my messages for over 10 days, and that's when I somehow 'exploded' a bit. I felt disrespected, after I poured in a lot of emotions and care into whatever it was we were doing. I was abrupt this time, calling him out, calling him names, deleting our chats, basically erasing him. But, it truly goes against my nature of being. I'm a very conflict averse person, I never have beef with people, and if I do, it's handled in a civil matter and we just talk things through and stay friendly after. This was new to me, and unbearable.
I once texted him that I missed him when I walked over a bridge we frequently crossed, this was this January. No response. On March 30 I wished him happy birthday. I kept it really brief 'happy birthday old man. I had your birthday saved on my phone, I hope all is well xx'. no response, he actually didn't even open the message for a month. When I deleted the chat on my end (telegram). Suddenly out of the blue 3 days ago he messaged 'this old man still thinks of you.'
Funnily it didn't stir me up that much. I responded 'I do too.. How have you been?' He responded, 'it needed to be that way. and I think this is where age comes in. not between us. how far we think we are from dying. also needed to be not even sexual. been good.' very classic cryptic semi poetic response he's good at. I responded too nicely, saying that it was an intense period for me, I went through a lowkey breakdown over the holidays. But I've been working and playing hard, I've been good (he didn't even ask me anything but I still felt inclined to tell him i was doing good...) I said we should get a drink next week if he's down. No response since then. It triggered me so much, I deleted the chat again on my end, so I don't even know if he read them. This was three days ago. Now I also asked 'what did you want me to say?'
I suspect he saw me on one of the dating apps and maybe got nostalgic, after having a beer too much. But WHY would ANYBODY ghost someone so long, reach out with such a tender message, and then continue ghosting them.
Anybody on here done such a thing? I didn't think it would stir me up so much... It's frustrating. I'd love to meet the guy again to just talk things through, and finally move on... It's almost like he wants to prove me that he's a good guy. He's not, nothing will ever change my opinion. Did I still like spending time with him, YES. It was a complicated and delicate play we played... Which I said in my response to him too, and that he did hurt my heart a bit. It was probably already too much emotionally for him, and maybe he just wanted sex again...
I appreciate your thoughts and responses.