I can’t stop watching the bodycam footage of the day my husband died
Sitting here watching the bodycam footage of the day my husband died…again.
There is no mystery to how he died...which was confirmed after I saw everything. He had an issue with his foot and mobility, had a history of falling, had a few concussions he didn’t take seriously, he was likely intoxicated the night he passed…he tripped, his face slammed into our gate breaking his C3 and C6 vertebrae.
For the first few months there were questions from everyone on how he could have possibly died. I delved into the possibility that he could’ve gotten into it with his best friend…perhaps he killed himself, who knows. Truth is, he had a drinking problem, took too many pills, didn’t take care of physical issues when they arose, and he died. It’s so sad and unnecessary and pisses me off.
I am also conflicted because he was very verbally abusive and I started to become scared of him the last year. He was acting stranger and stranger, and I was genuinely worried about the safety of me and our child.
I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop talking about these videos. I want to show someone the videos and be like “how fucked up is this?? Whyyyyyy”. I don’t want to traumatize anyone but I also want someone else to witness it. It’s sad. It’s unnecessary. I miss him a lot and I know he loved me but I also know things could have ended up so much worse based on the way they were going. I often was scared I was going to end up on some true crime episode. I am so thankful he didn’t get the chance to hurt himself or someone else but I miss him so much.