r/widowed

First of all, I am very sorry for my rambling I just find it hard to put into words.

 I lost my wife 3 years ago after being married to her for 45 years and they were very caring and loving years.

I have not been with anyone since she passed. I find myself after this 3rd year being hard than the first two, every night going to bed I miss the feeling of her skin next to mine as we snuggle. It was like we were one person when we did and I missed that.

 I feel that I could never be married again, but you never know what the future is going to bring you. Is it possible to find someone that would also feel the need for the something?

 I feel at this point I think, I would like to find a widowed woman who had a husband that was very loving and caring to her as my wife was to me. So we can share our feelings and each of us would know that the other one would totally understand how the other one feels in the grief, pain and sadness that we feel from our loss.

I truly feel that only another widowed person can really understand my feelings.

 Someone that I could do things together so we can both talk about our feelings. Knowing that each of us can totally understand our feelings and maybe would be able to help each other.

 I’m not a very social person so I know that I do not socialize very much and that will make it difficult to find someone. So how do you do it?

 It’s hard to say these things and hard to think it. I am 76 and kind of old-fashioned I feel you should be married to do these things, but I find myself all mixed up in my feelings.

 I hope it’s ok to ask questions but I’m just curious it seems like we can be free here. I think because we are in the same boat and could understand our feelings.

 That’s why I’m asking what do other people feel and think about this and have they experienced this themselves and what did they do?

 Thank you for your time and I am sorry for all of you who have lost your loved ones, and I know the pain and sadness that you’re dealing with. To all of you try and take care the best you can.

 I don’t think it’s wrong in how I feel but I’m just curious what other people think.

 I’m so confused in all my feelings, but I don’t know if other people feel the same way or have felt this way.

 I am trying to cope with all the emotions and feelings and to see what other people are experiencing.

 The love I had with my wife was that we were inseparable. All we wanted to do is be together holding hands everywhere we went and going for rides. We loved each other in any and every way we could.

 We just love being together more than anything else. We didn’t need other people we had each other and that’s all we needed and that’s all we wanted. I still feel that I’m not very social. I don’t care to be around a lot of people I just like things quiet and peaceful.

 The loss of my wife is more than I could ever have imagined but after reading other people’s stories on here I do feel I’m not alone and it does help some.

I just cant believe hes actually gone. But I did everything I could. Was he sole full-time care giver for 10 years. I sang to him, you are my sunshine. And amazing grace. Told him I promise I will be ok. But I don't see how I will actually be OK. I'm just so empty. Feels like someone is standing on my chest. Does it really get easier with time?

Sitting here watching the bodycam footage of the day my husband died…again.

There is no mystery to how he died...which was confirmed after I saw everything. He had an issue with his foot and mobility, had a history of falling, had a few concussions he didn’t take seriously, he was likely intoxicated the night he passed…he tripped, his face slammed into our gate breaking his C3 and C6 vertebrae.

For the first few months there were questions from everyone on how he could have possibly died. I delved into the possibility that he could’ve gotten into it with his best friend…perhaps he killed himself, who knows. Truth is, he had a drinking problem, took too many pills, didn’t take care of physical issues when they arose, and he died. It’s so sad and unnecessary and pisses me off.

I am also conflicted because he was very verbally abusive and I started to become scared of him the last year. He was acting stranger and stranger, and I was genuinely worried about the safety of me and our child.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop talking about these videos. I want to show someone the videos and be like “how fucked up is this?? Whyyyyyy”. I don’t want to traumatize anyone but I also want someone else to witness it. It’s sad. It’s unnecessary. I miss him a lot and I know he loved me but I also know things could have ended up so much worse based on the way they were going. I often was scared I was going to end up on some true crime episode. I am so thankful he didn’t get the chance to hurt himself or someone else but I miss him so much.

My late wife’s birthday today and I wondered about this for a long time, I never believed it, until she died. She didn’t believe so, I reckon she wouldn’t still. So I’m gonna just share this poem here if that’s OK?

——————————————————————————————

the dead have birthdays
as they live in other ways
don’t believe me?

tell it to the snow
that your footprints
cemented by your Uggs

sing it to the bells
that will forever echo
the soundtrack to our union

put a hole in that logic
with broken coils in all the beds
that pierced our bodies

so i’ll wait for the wind
to blow out the candles
as i hold on to your wish

the dead have birthdays
as they live in other ways
therefore, happy birthday

I lost my soul mate two weeks ago after being married for only 9 month from a sudden brain haemorrhage from an undiagnosed blood vessel defect. I’m f/29 and he’s m/32. Being on the spectrum, he’s the only one who has ever understood me, who my soul intertwined with, who shared my goofyness and who I built an entire world with. Everyone who met us said he was the male version of me and vice versa. Now he’s gone, I hate love because everyone dies. I know that everyone says this life is temporary and I will be reunited with my husband soon but I can’t imagine living life without him and it feels way too long. I don’t know how I will get through this but due to my religious beliefs I won’t do anything silly. Anyway, I’ve signed up to grief counselling and I hope it helps somehow.

I lost my soul mate 2 years and 3 months ago. Our relationship ended a few months before he died due to his mental illness and a whole lot of life stressors, but he was and always will be the love of my life. We loved each other to the end, but couldn't find a way to be together.

Im 47 and hate that I'm navigating life alone and dont want to be flying solo forever but I just cannot imagine life with anyone else. Ive looked at dating apps and met a couple of people, but they just aren't him. No one else even begins to come close.

Has anyone been where I am? How did you deal with it?

Ok...please stay with me..my 1st ever Reddit post: I'm 59 WF & thrice married (#1= 17 yrs - 3 kids, divorced; #2=10yrs - no kids, divorced; #3= 6yrs-no kids, widowed) . I have worked my entire life, not a sad sap story - I've enjoyed all 3 lives and loved each in different ways. Fast forward to now: it's been 2 yrs since the passing of my husband (cancer, I share this only for those who KNOW what's involved in caring for & losing a spouse to cancer, it takes a toll) & have basically won the lottery with an unexpected inheritance. This allowed me to 1) retire 2) relocate to another state into a beautiful home (mortgage free) on several acres 3) do anything I want. Here's my dilemma: I have not dated nor had "relations" since the passing of my husband & while NOT looking for partner, I met a very nice man. He is wealthy enough to not need my $, twice married - twice divorced (#1=10 yrs, 2 kids; #2=20yrs she came with 2 kids). He is only 1 yr. divorced. The "relations" are great, but its also been 4yrs since last "relations" (due to late husbands cancer) so I may be a little pent up? He is 4 years younger & still actively working, he is old school= man work, woman stay home & take care of home & man. Now, maybe 25 yrs ago I would've embraced this lifestyle - as hubby, home, kids, etc. would be my "job" and my role. However, now 1) there are no kids 2) he has his home & I have mine 3) he is not 'supporting' me in any way. Now, everything we do - he pays for (his insistence, not expected) & we do a lot (travel, vacation, eat-out). But he has been clear in his expectations: 1) no remarry 2) no retire any time soon 3) wants me to be @ his house when he comes home from work 4) if we don't eat-out, I cook & clean-up. He is NOT demanding- he has housekeepers to do major cleaning & his laundry. He doesn't do anything that would be a deal breaker - except this: he always checks out women right in front of me, even after I've expressed how it makes me feel = insulted, less than, he's looking for someone better, et al...he says "it's human nature, doesn't mean anything" & says I'm being ridiculous. Please know that I am NOT bragging, but I do know I'm the entire pkg & could walk away without the fear of not meeting someone else. But, I've never been a serial dater at all..ever..so I am swimming in waters that I've never been in before & wonder if I should cut & run if I feel that I'm a place card, made to feel "less than" with the woman checkout thing (I REALLY don't like it & have never had this issue before), bringing more to the relationship than he is (not that it's a competition, but what is he really bringing - i guess his presence?) My friends offer BOTH: 1) "girl, get out - you don't need him & he's just looking for a wife replacement without having to marry you!" 2) "count your blessings that you found someone at your age & circumstance that you care for, not a serial killer, no (little) kids, wealthy AND you like him!" I'm posting here so I can maybe get some men's perspective & some outside-my-circle peer comments/advice. Please be kind, I'm just trying to get some helpful comments/advice that I'm not seeing since I'm inside the forest! Thank y'all!