u/SouthernBiskit

Background: today I met with my new city librarian. My community encompasses about 100k people. Our public library is fairly large and holds a lot of info. But to both the librarian and myself, we were shocked as to how little books on grief they hold. So she requested I compose a listing of books for her to order and "get up to speed" in that topic section. She didn't want to bother with inter library loaned books.

As a plus, she asked for my help in establishing a community loss of a spouse support group since we have no current support groups in the community. Grief Share is not an option as she wants people to not feel as though religion is being pushed on them. I'm beyond thrilled.

So if you can provide some good grief book titles and authors you think would be helpful, I'd surely appreciate it. I only know of a few. Thanks in advance!! 🫂

Now that I'm alone, (2 years), I've been worried I'd die and wouldn't be found for some time. There is no wellness check technology in my community. I've spent the past few months meeting with my community officials to try and institute such a program for those that live alone and basically have no one who checks on them. Been given many lame excuses and no progress to date, although we did have such a program sometime in the past.

Sadly, my out of state brother passed away recently and it was over two weeks later before someone took notice. Such a horrible heartbreak. I bury him next week.

A couple months ago, out of nowhere, I received information on a free alternative. Not perfect, but helps your confidence level. By surprise recently, I found they are on Reddit as u/snugsafety. It's so simple to use.

Now I'm not promoting them in any way, but I've been extremely active in my community spreading the word and it's amazing to me how receptive anyone or business I've approached has been! Everywhere from my library, to my attorney, dentist, doctor, and all those officials I met with. I'm not done yet. The most disappointing was my Council on Aging who felt most of their seniors wouldn't be interested and displayed a lack of caring. Shame on them! Solved that by visiting some of the local senior centers and surprise! They were thrilled I came by with the informational postcards.

While most of the world could care less about anyone other than themself, us in widowhood can use all the help and caring we can get! One small act of kindness can do wonders for someone alone, even while we're grieving. I have regained some confidence back in myself.

I hope this info is helpful to others here. 🫂🙏

My husband passed suddenly exactly 2 years ago today. I don't know how I've managed this long without him. There is no celebrating, just in a funk and sad.

I hate my life and all the problems he left me with. It's been rough.

I hate secondary losses as well. This week I bury my brother, who died over 1,000 miles away from me, without any family cooperation. Fuck all this and toxic people. I designate myself an orphan and grieving all my losses. Keeping hope and trying to remain positive that life will get better one day. I long for peace. 🙏💔

One is born. You grow up, enter adulthood. Get married (or not). Have children (or not). Children grow up and move on. Enter "empty nest syndrome." You grow older. Enter the imaginary "Golden Years." Then wham, earlier or later in years, your spouse dies. Eventually so do you. This is what we call "life."

Grief in itself, is the most horrifying phase an individual experiences. It's a permanent complete loss of everything you knew, felt and lived prior and cannot be undone.

What most either don't realize, or understand, is that we suffer more than just grief from our spouses death. We have additional burdens, called secondary losses. Be it one problem after another, financial hardships, our home, security, peace of mind, family, friendships, lifestyle, loneliness, pet death, other family deaths, support, etc. Each one needs to be addressed separately and grieved over the best you can, so to continue moving forward. It can be just as overwhelming as the grief you carry from the loss of your spouse. While one's brain is incredibly structured, one can only handle so much. Sadly, secondary losses can pop up anytime and when least expected. How do you master endurance?

I've found many therapists and medical professionals, I've encountered, never address this issue. Mostly you are labeled depressed, have C-PTSD, or whatever description the medical society puts in your chart. Have yet to find a support group mention this either.

Try explaining this to someone who dismisses you and watch their reaction.

Hopefully, all of us here, will continue to support and comfort each other.

On occasion I get a chat request. One should check their profile and possibly go one step further and Google their user name they use on here. If you have their name, location or anything personal about them, Google that also. Chances are you'll find nothing.

I learned that this person was up to no good and now has deleted his account, under the original user name. What alerted me was he never answered people's comments about losing his wife, but seemed to comment with well rehearsed memorized "terms of endearment." What he did was post pictures of himself with his wife which actually turned out to be him with his mother. He sent me the later mother picture, dumbass. I downloaded both pictures including an image search. Dead giveaway was the same exact eyeglasses in both photos, not just facial features. I called him out on it and said I'd report him to Reddit and blocked him. Thus he deleted his account. I'm sure he'll pop up under another user name eventually.

Also for safety, be aware if someone wants to go to a different chat program from Reddit. Don't! This guy wanted to use Microsoft Team, wherein this program is mainly for business folks, but includes being able to telephone you if you join. It uses a system phone not your actual phone number.

In the end, this guy knew I wasn't messing around, probably scared Reddit would be on his butt, so his last ditch attempt was trying to entice me to befriend some African boy he called his "son" stating I had a very kind heart the child could use since his mother passed. Hahaha. For real! Nice try if you're an imbecile.

All n all, hopefully I haven't violated any rules, just trying to keep us all safe.

I don't venture out much, but when I do, it hurts to see couples and I go into that sad place missing my husband and remembering, wow, you used to be a couple... a WE. I can barely get involved with a local happening or group. Same sights, same feelings or you notice single folks who stick out as alone, just going through the motions. That breaks my heart. There are others like me. I try to start a conversation with them if they're receptive. Trust me, they are easily spotted. I'm always mindful if I'm spotted. You don't blend in very well when sitting solo.

Then as I'm watching people in a parking lot passing by, in the store aisle, at a gas station, any store, there are times I've seen both young and old, male and female struggling to walk, lift items, missing a limb, in a wheelchair or on crutches, many all alone, and I wonder what their story is. Is it worse than mine? Their faces look frozen, pale, and sad. They always seem to be looking down as if to not make eye contact.

As miserable as I feel most days, I try to give people eye contact with a smile, even if forced, or a simple hello. An act of kindness is sometimes all someone needs to make their day a little less gloomy. Even if only for a brief moment.

I hate that we are living in a care less world, but I don't want to be like those people. I'm striving for peace and some form of happiness.

Chime in with your thoughts folks. I know this isn't just my mindset.

I'm new to this group. My brother was 71, lived in a 2 family small apartment as a recluse according to his landlord of 5 years, no longer went out, didn't drive, had everything delivered, just stopped being social and no contact with myself, his older sister, nor any of the family. To my surprise he stopped at some point listing me as his emergency contact. I moved down south many years ago, but had tried for years to get him VA help, but he wouldn't cooperate unless I dragged him. I know he had some mental issues, but he seemed to be able to survive on his own.

I was contacted late July 11th with a simple message he had passed. No details. I've spent the last week trying to initiate burial arrangements for him and any services he's entitled to. It's been a nightmare, but I'm making progress, slowly. According to the police and medical examiner, my brother had died on or just prior to June 30th. Translated he was a postmortem biohazard... Mush. The visual aspect is disturbing and my brain keeps on playback. No one checked on him, even the landlord who only lives 5 miles away. I'm heartbroken he died alone, in front of his TV. I'm doing the best I can to deal with it all and being responsible to give him dignity in a military burial. VA National Cemetery, in Bourne, MA has been very cooperative, including the local American Legion. Not much from the VFW sadly. Have initiated the services of a funeral home in that area as well. Can't move forward until all the red tape is resolved, hopefully by end of next week.

I disappointedly, cannot go the 1,000 plus miles north for his whenever burial as much as I want to. I was assured military volunteers would go in my place and hopefully do a video for me of the proceedings. I've requested just keep things simple being mindful. Just don't want him in a poor paupers grave somewhere. He deserves to be recognized and with dignity as any other human who passes.

I just learn of the motorcycle group, patriot guard and awaiting their response. Getting bits n pieces of comfort have helped me in my stress level somewhat, thankfully. I hate he's in the deep freeze morgue when he deserves to be laid to rest asap.

So back to my question, anyone here from Cape Cod area, or could at leàst cheer me on or have any resources to offer? This is the 2nd death I've faced in less than 2 years. My husband passed first. My poor brain needs a break. There's no way to master grief, I've tried. Just going with the flow.

Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom. 🇺🇲

My emotions are all over the place. My brother died sitting in his recliner watching TV, early June 30th or just prior. I received a lame brief text about his death on July 12th insinuating it had just happened. He pretty much isolated and hardly ever went out of his apartment although he had an upstairs neighbor. That tenant notified authorities of foul odors, along with the landlord. My deceased brother used delivery services for what he needed. There's only myself and my older brother left for siblings. I moved down south 26 years ago and removed myself from the toxic drama of my family. Beyond dysfunctional actually. I hadn't spoken to either brother for over 10 years, nor did they communicate even though they lived a few towns apart.

I've had nightmares, lack of sleep and anxiety with vivid pictures in my head knowing my brother was reduced to postmortem biohazard mush. I'm so sad he died all alone and although an Army Veteran, no one checked on him. The landlord told me he was a quiet, sweet man, never complained and only stopped by occasionally as he lives a few towns away. The rent was paid through Section 8.

I spent 3 whole days reaching out to the Boston medical examiner, several city officials and the city VA as well as to the National VA Cemetery in Bourne, including a funeral/crematory director to initiate a dignified burial once his remains are released. Problem is he was estranged from his 2 grown sons and they don't want to come forward for fear of having to dish out some money for their 71 year old biological dad.

I chastised my sorry ass older brother in that he needed to help and prevent a burial in a poor paupers grave. Our brother deserves so much better I demanded. It's been radio silence from anyone in almost a week now.

I cannot and will not travel over 1,000 miles north again. I'm almost at 2 years grieving the sudden loss of my husband and taking care of me is my priority besides my health. I want peace in my life, not chaos. I can't handle any more. I can't rewind time on anything, but I have a conscience and a good heart and am accepting I've done all I can and it's in God's hands now. RIP little brother. Wherever you are I hope my husband guides you along. He may give you a lecture about your treatment of me, so take it like a man.

I've learned there are many people who die alone and discovered weeks or so later. It's so sad our world has come to not give a crap for others. 💔 🙏

Approaching the 2 year mark of my husband's death in a couple weeks. Not an anniversary for me. Stomach has been in constant upset just from anxiety since his sudden passing. Nothing unusual with grief.

This has been a horrendous week triggering nightmares, flashbacks, and an emotional avalanche of varying magnitudes. I had 2 toxic siblings up until I was informed via a brief text message Sunday evening that my younger one had died. No information other than that. I immediately called my older sibling to inquire for details and why such a lame way to tell me. Mind you I intentionally distanced myself over 1,000 miles away, many years ago from them both and went no contact unless an emergency arises. My health was at risk and they weren't going to change their selfish ways or behavior. Older sibling had no information to share and didn't seem the least bit concerned except for his backyard pool party. I stewed all evening, sleepless, having to wait until Monday to speak with some government official to gain details.

For 3 full days, I have been speaking with police, medical examiners, hazmat, the VA, crematory, and my deceased siblings landlord. The immediate next of kin wants nothing to do with any of it because it may cost them money to claim his remains. They had been estranged for years so no skin off their nose.

My brother had been dead for about 2 weeks, but nobody knew. His body was diminished to mush. Severe decomposition. Hazmat material. I have vivid pictures in my head. Thankfully the landlord located me and cooperating as to next steps to clean up the apartment and his personal property.

Because of all this, I started questioning if I made a terrible mistake after my husband passed in having him autopsied, not realizing at the time, until now, what that entailed. Added more stress and living nightmares. All triggered by my brother's death happenings. To make matters worse, he'll be in the chiller morgue possibly for 2 more weeks until what's left of his remains are claimed. But I've initiated burial plans nonetheless and pray he gets buried with dignity, not in a poor paupers grave. He was a veteran after all.

I've finally decided my well-being has been jeopardized, I'm old, and today, passed the buck back to my older nonchalant sibling with instructions as to what arrangements and contacts I've initiated and that time he become a grown ass adult and have a heart about his dead brother. Life is not a party, even if you have a pool. My conscience is clean and I can do no more and have to let it go. I'm coping with my own grief and I'm exhausted. I'll not be traveling 1,000 miles back there.

Thanks for listening.

We had no contact for over 10 years, and live states away. My younger brother had some mental problems along with drugs and alcohol and pretty much annihilated his whole family, including his grown children. The neighbor called the police for a well check after discovering groceries and mail was piling up on his porch. The police found him dead sitting in a chair in front of his TV. I'm waiting to learn how long he was dead from the police tomorrow. Very sad he died alone.

Instead of a normal phone call to inform me of the details, my older brother sends me a brief text telling me he died. He acted so nonchalant about it when I telephoned him because he was having a pool party and had to get back to that.

I'm livid at this unacceptable behavior, especially since it was his brother also. He cared less about my widowhood as well. So much for dysfunctional families. Sorry for the rant. Just had to let it out.

Did you know the Declaration of Independence is not a legally binding document? It doesn't establish laws or government structures. It's the document that set the "moral standard" for the U. S. in that all men are created equal.

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Do we feel this after the loss of our spouse?

Many have passed away on this date as well as other holidays, special occasions, anniversaries, birthdays and the like.

While I've experienced my share of July 4th's, it now holds no meaning to me. My husband and I got tired of all the hustle and bustle fanfare with entertaining or going to activities and fireworks before he passed. Instead he would BBQ any and all meat from the freezer as though we were going to feed an army. All this precooked food naturally ended up back in the freezer for ready meals at any time. I often told him he loved his elaborate grill more than me. He even built himself a screened in grill porch. I miss his BBQ grilling and reluctantly sold it shortly after he died. I couldn't bear seeing it on that back porch, knowing what it represented.

What have you done on this day or how do you now celebrate it?

Approaching the 2 year mark of my husband's death. I've struggled with many things and accomplished many things. As difficult as it was, just yesterday I finalized my end of life plans with my local funeral home director. Took me 4 months and was very emotionally draining.

I have a wonderful relationship with this kind hearted genuine young man director, half my age, mainly because he gets it, which is so rare and unbelievable. I've shared some gut wrenching things with him, my fears, my hopes for the future and how people are in the world today. I'm amazed at his strength and patience in dealing with the many grieving families he performs services for. Definitely doesn't act like a commercial entity and has wanted to be in the funeral home business since a young child.

On my way there, the thought popped into my head for some unknown reason to ask him if I could come visit quietly during a funeral, possibly on the upcoming 2nd year day of my husband's passing. I couldn't explain why I even got the thought and felt a bit foolish. He encouraged me and said definitely not a problem, including he'd take me on a tour even. I'd already been shown most of the facility prior. Now it's not like I'd never been to a funeral, nor was I having one for myself, or that we've had numerous meetings over the course of these past 4 months to finalize my plans, it was just I felt comfortable in sharing my odd request but didn't have a clue why I wanted to do this. I wasn't the least bit emotional over it either. I only did a gravesite service for my husband with a different funeral home. I don't even want that for myself, just a simple burial next to my husband when it comes my time.

Trying to continue my life as normal as possible, I've been donating food grief baskets to this director throughout this past year to anonymously give out to someone at his discretion. He's so receptive and can't believe my kind nature. No one does this in my area. Basically that's how it all began, until I finally realized I had to get it together and change my will and redo my final arrangements.

I'm mystified at myself and have no clue why I even got the idea to visit a funeral on or near the date of my husband's 2nd year passing. It's not a celebration to me. I could do without the reminder. Maybe I'm losing it!! I no longer visit his grave as I realize he isn't there and it is an 1 1/2 hour drive each way. I stopped going over a year ago. It wasn't healthy for me.

Am I weird or what? Is my brain messing with me? Has anyone had anything like this happen to you?

In my area, when someone passes they are not taken to the morgue. The unempathic coroner arrives and tells you to pick a funeral home to collect the person's body. After quizzing you, he makes a determination as to the cause of death and has an unknown physician sign off on it. We are pretty much in a zombie state when our spouse passes, sudden or otherwise, not to mention inconsolable, yet expected to answer questions like nothing just happened?

Long story short, my husband passed suddenly almost 23 months ago. I'm still not "right" in my head to date. He was active all day, we had a good discussion late afternoon, then 1 hour later I find him dead. Sudden lethal heart attacks can happen at any age, but I was dumbfounded. I wanted to know what happened. How did he simply just die? I questioned everything. I was scared, not just curious, I needed to know. I couldn't comprehend it. Autopsies have to be performed within 7 days after death. I wrestled with what to do, wasn't needing nightmares my husband would be a science experiment, not diced n sliced from every organ, I believed I was doing the right thing for my peace of mind, not some coroner's cause of death. Plus, I felt my husband would want me to know. I sucked up my emotions and had the funeral home deliver (and return) his body to the University pathology department after several conversations with their professors. I instructed them to put back what they took out and was burying my husband "whole".

After about a month, I received a multi page report. I couldn't look at it. I asked for the simple version of why he died and told sudden acute lethal cardiac arrest.

I just read the report yesterday. It was tough to do. The report stated cause of death was "a sudden lethal ventricular arrhythmia arising in the infarcted myocardium." His blood flow just quit or was blocked, possibly by a clot and caused him a sudden, unexpected cardiac death (heart attack).

BTW, if my husband hadn't been a recent patient at this University, it would have cost me $5K out of pocket. Thankfully the fee was waived. Some places charge more and insurance doesn't cover it.

Nonetheless, I know now why he died, but it doesn't make me feel any better or change that he died. I still needed to know.

The last time I stepped into a clothing store was about 6 months prior to my husband's passing. He's been gone for 22 months now. I lost interest in shopping over the years, but at that time my husband had given me a gift card to use on myself only and I needed sneakers. My life was normal back then.

I've lost 45 pounds over these months and everything I own, except for fancy dresses and stuff, are all too big. I've felt like a hobo, the little I go out. No where to go for fancy attire anymore.

I've been struggling to get motivated and have courage to go to this store. It's not been in me to go shopping, even for food. Everything is by force. Be quick, get what you need, then retreat home to my refuge.

Today I had a meeting near the plaza. That meeting lifted my mood, regardless that the sky was so dark pending a thunderstorm, that eventually never happened. Given I figured many wouldn't be out during bad weather, I pulled up my big girl pants and went to the store. Still hesitant, but mastered going in then a little confused as the store had remodeled over time and I didn't know where the women's section was, let alone the dressing rooms. A very patient saleswoman came to my rescue. Never realized before how very large this quality store is.

I didn't have much patience, let alone energy, now an hour later, but I did find a couple decent slacks at a great price. That alone exhausted me but I encouraged myself I'd come back another time. It felt great I did what I did. I survived it. I'm determined to accomplish more things in the months ahead, even though solo. I have to try and get my life in order and staying safely at home most times isn't solving anything. I suppose it just takes having confidence in whatever any of us do. I laugh now that it took me 11 months just to start the new zero turn hubbie had purchased before he passed. Now I'm ok with it. Determination and confidence goes a long way. Just takes persistent I suppose.

I've always tried to do the right thing, knowing I'd die someday and meet my maker. I'm human and make many mistakes, but always tried to have a clean conscience in whatever I do.

When our spouses pass, many of us have experienced those that want to take advantage of anything we have, or take things of our spouse, without regard to our feelings or permission. Forget that our minds are in a twilight zone and we could use genuine compassion and understanding, not unconscionable behavior.

Not everyone can afford to freely give away things. Some of us struggle and have to sell items, just to survive, especially when you're now only one income.

I sell many items. I've had some really strange customers. I'm careful to meet at a safe place, or have someone with me if an item has to be picked up at my property. I don't freely give my location out to just anyone as safety is my #1 priority, any more than I announce I'm a widow and live alone.

I recently cancelled the sale of an item I had a buyer for, even though I could of used the money. Why? My conscience.

I was contacted by a rather pushy father quite a few states north of me. Out of anxiety, he wanted the item for his 17 year old son (1st time away from home), who just started college this week, an hour south of me and offered cheap money if I'd deliver immediately. After several conversations, I gave him options. Son doesn't have a vehicle, but his roommate does, come to me and get it, meet me half way (pay gas money), wait until next week and I'll deliver (with gas money) or go to the nearest Walmart and buy in person if they have the item or order online with free delivery. Naturally he'd pay a little more than double for the same item, plus sales tax. I suggested this might be his best option keeping things simple and stressfree. He agreed. Of course I didn't want to kill my sale, but I don't need the hassle either. The father wasn't thinking clearly and I realized it immediately. I knew he just wanted to get his son settled, sooner than later and was being a good dad. He just hadn't thought things through. I'm glad I did the right thing. The father thanked me for my kindness. My conscience is clean.

Curious if anyone has encountered a situation similar. Please share. Thanks.

EDIT- My posting was in no way boosting my ego, but to remind us grieving folks, that just because the world has no moral compass, we are not like the rest of the world. Many have suffered insane atrocities because of others, but doesn't mean we should or will follow suit. Being kind and considerate should come naturally, although I know, to many, it's a thing of the past. Having good character equals creditability.

I just learned that my vein surgeon has had me fill one out at my last 4 appointments. Has nothing to do with any surgery as I'm not having any. He was my late husband's as well. Never was told what it was. I learned when I got a Medicare copy of services recently, but it listed a neurologist I've never seen or heard of. I inquired naturally but wasn't given a reason as to why. Medicare didn't pay the bill.

I'm very suspicious that this vein surgeon is attempting to bypass my grief and trying to diagnose me with a mental illness, even though he's not qualified to do so. Funny my PCP has never done this, nor any counselor I've seen. Do they all think a pill of some sort fixes grief? Of course we can all get depressed on occasion after our spouse passes, since our brain needs to be rewired, but we deal with many emotions which wax and wain. I no longer trust this doctor, but will surely have quite the discussion next appointment, if I haven't kicked him to the curb prior. I am offended and feel tricked into doing something I had no knowledge of. My research on this suggests these so called questionnaires are not proper protocol and fairly useless.

This has been a week from hell. Nothing has gone right or problem free. I'm exhausted and burnt out.

After almost 3 weeks I finally got my car back from repairs at the collision shop from a hit and run. It's been a nightmare since April. One minute insurance had them validated, then 2 weeks later said no, even though they told me to go there, then finally revalidated them. I had to orchestrate the entire process as they had no one overseeing my matters. Insanity at its finest. One minute the shop is coming to pick me up, 2 hours later their contract with Lyft was screwed up and cancelled. Hour 3, a worker came and finally got me. Car back on Monday.

Then I have to race my 19 yr old cat to the vet who suddenly started going downhill from kidney disease on Friday. Only diagnosed at Christmas. Fine for 6 months, values mild, now at deaths door. Was at vet Mon - Thu trying to save his life any way possible. No good. Had to put him to rest yesterday. Buried today, hired help. Heartbroken beyond. Saving grace is my vet is awesome and really cares about animals. We have an incredible relationship thankfully.

Between all this, needing a stress release, I figured I'd mow the lawn with the new zero turn. Only used 10 times. Everything was fine until the belt broke. Other mower broke down last week and getting repaired, probably when hell freezes over. Took 3 days, tons of calls to locate a belt as no one within a 50 mile radius had one, so had to order one from the company it was purchased from 3 hours south of me and have shipped. Won't get it until sometime next week. It's a Husqvarna, not a cheap one as my deceased husband only bought the best of things. Sucks being stuck when you have to do everything alone. Sucks just as bad when no one cares to help you out as well

To add more heartfelt misery, I ran over a 6 foot snake in my driveway by accident the other day. Thought it was a branch. Couldn't miss it. I cried as I had to run it over again to make sure it was dead and not suffering. I intended to remove it, but some critter took it thankfully as I hate snakes period.

Let's add that my air conditioner died during this week also. Finally located a replacement which had to be shipped. Why of course, like everything else, stores are eliminating products forcing you to. Now that it has arrived, I have to wait until next week to have the old one removed and this new one installed. I can hardly do it alone. I'm not strong enough. But at leàst I have a smaller unit in another room I'm running so I don't die from heat exhaustion. Not great but better than frying in this southern heat.

I've only slept about 6 hours this whole week. I've gone into isolation as much as I can as I can't deal with anymore. I still have other animals to tend to, but I may make it my mission to stay bed bound for the weekend. I know I desperately need rest. I feel like I've been jinxed or someone's put a hex on me.

I wish my husband were here!! I'm tired of all these problems. I'm only one person. I hate my life!

My apologies for venting. Just needed for someone to listen and understand. I'm 73 and alone.

I'm new to this group. Please be patient with me. I'm a 73 year old widow and have no one to help me or guide me in a decision.

My cat Tobi, is 19. I know he's old and have always been aware he'd die one day. First pet I've ever had that lived past 16. He started having kidney disease issues before Christmas last year. It was all new to me as it started as constipation. Then drinking a lot of water, but got dehydrated. Still eating many small meals daily, but bad teeth caused me to liquify his food. Vet afraid to sedate him for fear of losing him in the process, although he made 2 attempts and said the cat near coded.

Vet gave him some IV fluid (sub q), antibiotics, vit b injection, cleared his stuck poop, couldn't get a full CBC as my cat wouldn't cooperate, but enough to show his BUN was a tad elevated. Tobi normally weighed 9-10 pounds, but now down to 6.

A few days later he seemed to bounce back and was putting on weight.

This past Friday, Tobi started not eating, still drinking, and vomited once. Vet of course was closed. Over the weekend he stopped everything, just slept on my bed, but was leaving dollops of diarrhea all over the place. I gently syringed vit b down his throat, baby Pedialyte, some Delectables lickable treat, (tuna with shrimp) throughout this past weekend knowing he was dehydrated and sick to hold on until seeing the Vet early this morning.

I've been a mess with worry. Vet took blood work with no problem. Tobi was unusually cooperative, although didn't like his teeth checked in several mouth openings. He now weighs 4.5 pounds.

BUN level today was 130 mg/dl.

Dec 15th BUN was 42 mg/dl.

GLOB today was 5.6 g/dl.

Dec 15th GLOB was 5.0 g/dl.

Creatine today had no measure.

Dec 15th showed 1.9 mg/dl.

Vet tech was trying to pressure me in euthanasia today. Vet said possible Tobi may make it 2 more days or a few days. Think about euthanasia in the immediate future.

Tobi after coming home has mostly stayed in his open carrier, sleeping. He came out a few times to drink a bunch of water and drop a few liquid poops, under my bed of all places. Litter boxes are always clean. I've tried to give him some soupy food, but he won't have any of it. I may try some finely ground partly boiled hamburg or mushed up fish. I'm at my wits end and so stressed. I'll be bringing him back to the Vet tomorrow because I don't feel they gave him enough sub q. The tech only did it for 5 or so minutes. I wasn't told how many mil. I'm frightened to do sub q at home by myself. I'm scared Tobi might not bounce back this time. I'm even considering a 2nd opinion.

I am aware of Tanya's CKD website and read everything.

Can anyone make any suggestions?? Thanks in advance for any help. I truly could use some comfort as my heart is heavy.

I'm new to this group. Please be patient with me. I'm a 73 year old widow and have no one to help me or guide me in a decision.

My cat Tobi, is 19. I know he's old and have always been aware he'd die one day. First pet I've ever had that lived past 16. He started having kidney disease issues before Christmas last year. It was all new to me as it started as constipation. Then drinking a lot of water, but got dehydrated. Still eating many small meals daily, but bad teeth caused me to liquify his food. Vet afraid to sedate him for fear of losing him in the process, although he made 2 attempts and said the cat near coded.

Vet gave him some IV fluid (sub q), antibiotics, vit b injection, cleared his stuck poop, couldn't get a full CBC as my cat wouldn't cooperate, but enough to show his BUN was a tad elevated. Tobi normally weighed 9-10 pounds, but now down to 6.

A few days later he seemed to bounce back and was putting on weight.

This past Friday, Tobi started not eating, still drinking, and vomited once. Vet of course was closed. Over the weekend he stopped everything, just slept on my bed, but was leaving dollops of diarrhea all over the place. I gently syringed vit b down his throat, baby Pedialyte, some Delectables lickable treat, (tuna with shrimp) throughout this past weekend knowing he was dehydrated and sick to hold on until seeing the Vet early this morning.

I've been a mess with worry. Vet took blood work with no problem. Tobi was unusually cooperative, although didn't like his teeth checked in several mouth openings. He now weighs 4.5 pounds.

BUN level today was 130 mg/dl.

Dec 15th BUN was 42 mg/dl.

GLOB today was 5.6 g/dl.

Dec 15th GLOB was 5.0 g/dl.

Creatine today had no measure.

Dec 15th showed 1.9 mg/dl.

Vet tech was trying to pressure me in euthanasia today. Vet said possible Tobi may make it 2 more days or a few days. Think about euthanasia in the immediate future.

Tobi after coming home has mostly stayed in his open carrier, sleeping. He came out a few times to drink a bunch of water and drop a few liquid poops, under my bed of all places. Litter boxes are always clean. I've tried to give him some soupy food, but he won't have any of it. I may try some finely ground partly boiled hamburg or mushed up fish. I'm at my wits end and so stressed. I'll be bringing him back to the Vet tomorrow because I don't feel they gave him enough sub q. The tech only did it for 5 or so minutes. I wasn't told how many mil. I'm frightened to do sub q at home by myself. I'm scared Tobi might not bounce back this time. I'm even considering a 2nd opinion.

I am aware of Tanya's CKD website and read everything.

Can anyone make any suggestions?? Thanks in advance for any help. I truly could use some comfort as my heart is heavy.

I hate being solicited. I couldn't tell you how many times I've been bothered, even after placing "No Soliciting" signs on both sides of my property drive entrance. Along with No Trespassing, Private Property. I have a large property.

Of late, now it's text messages and mail. In particular, real estate folks of all walks. How'd they get my cell phone number? For the mailings I simply have the carrier send them back, refused. Text messages I block and delete. Never contact or acknowledge these folks btw. Now I've never ever mentioned I was interested in selling to anyone. Not even a thought.

Wondering if there was some kind of underhanded deal taking place at the property tax office I called to inquire. Nope, but RE folks possibly have a data base they can tap into. No, there's no widows(ers) list either.

So I thought I'd share, particularly for those alone, property records are public and can be pulled up online for anyone to see. Being uncomfortable and feeling unsafe, the clerk suggested they remove all pictures of my property from online viewing. I immediately agreed and so appreciated his cooperation. The public may see the address of where I live and other records on my property, but without any pictures. After all, it's my private property and I don't need strangers seeing what I own or bothering me. All one needs to do is ask for the pictures to be removed.

Hope this helps others here in some safety.