I couldn't take it anymore; update
Last year I made a post about how my marriage failed basically due to a number of things, but I detailed how in the last year we tried to open the marriage and basically how I got screwed and poly was used as a cover for her cheating. I loved documenting my collapse in real time for the Internet and have no regrets.
We separated and i moved out. I found full time work as a homeless drug addict but fortunately I quit that job and the last 7 months I've been dating a really lovely but rather avoidant tall brunette.
New woman has a host of other issues and I struggle with trying to please, needing her to quell my anxiety, getting attached and not seeing her the way she wants to be seen.
I've been working on less is more, yes when I back off she chases me but ultimately that won't make either of us happy.. probably going to see if I can get any help from reddit to love and bond with my avoidant lover.
Still alive, still monogamous and proud to be drug free.