Clashing with Poorly Parented Grandchildred
It probably isn't uncommon for grandparents to be concerned about the parenting of their grandchildren. We are very concerned about one of our daughters' kids since we observe that virtually no parenting happens, and as we care for the kids often due to childcare for working parents' issues, we confront myriad developmental shortcomings. Kids are ultimately nice boys, 6 and 8 years old, but they get virtually no care at home. Our daughter suffers from depression, and her husband believes his only responsibility is going to work.
My wife and I are relatively aligned with expectations, but she is more patient and accommodating than me which can create tension between us, too. My attitude when parenting our kids was that our job was to prepare them to be in command of their own futures and be able to choose rather than settle for what required less preparation and discipline. My wife didn't disagree, but she chose lax and loving over discipline and good habits. These dynamics also present in our approaches to grandparenting.
I am retired, though consulting with a book of clients, but my schedule is often easy and I can choose. My wife is still practicing in her field as she is younger. Now that I'm "available" I get the grandkids several days a week. Screen time, poor habits, uncooperative attitudes, etc. make it difficult, and I want to do the best things for them, much of which in my view isn't anything close to what they can accept. I do trips, play games, go to playgrounds, try to read to them, encourage crafts and art, etc. Their standard behavior is to act out, be wild, refuse to cooperate, fight with each other, and ignore directions (picking up after themselves, stop hitting each other, respect other people's space, property, time, privacy, etc.
Any insights on tactics to better deal with this?