u/Normal-Ad6372

Hey everyone. Im posting here because in really in need of help sincerely. I want to share my circumstances because I don’t have anyone to ask.

I am a newer Torah observant Christian and I grew up with same sex attraction.

I have a lot of pain in my life. My mom, dad, sister and brother died by the time I was 22. I am really alone in many ways. They all died tragically too. I’m 28 now.

I struggling financially a lot even though I don’t know why. I was never able to plant my feet down in a career. My friend is about to help me get a new job. The only thing is I am 40k in debt and I won’t be able to pay that back. It bothers me a lot and I’m saying in a very small apartment and my job doesn’t pay enough. I hope that changes for me.

I struggle a lot with hope. I was homeless for times in my childhood. I constantly struggle because of the choices of my parents.

I have had boyfriends in the past secretly. I’m in the closet really. It brings me a lot of shame. I really do like guys emotionally and want a life with one. But since I know it is wrong and not Gods intent I will not do it.

I now struggle with porn and thoughts. And I notice that my homosexuality becomes worse when I am hopeless because of my life.

I want to badly to be able to have kids and a family. And be hopeful, but I don’t know if that’s for me.

I know I am not holy, but I know God loves me. I don’t know if I feel Gods goodness right now. I want him to rescue me. And I want God to redeem me.

I’m coming here to get thoughts. Maybe there is nothing anyone can offer me, but I still want to ask for prayer from some of you.

Hello everyone. I want to come here and just be vulnerable.

I am really struggling in this time in my life, and there doesn’t seem to be any point to anything anymore.

I’m 28, and I’ve been stuck for so long.

I was sexually abused. I grew up and was homeless. My brother was murdered. My dad was in prison when I was a kid, but he was released. He later died when I had developed a relationship with him. My sister died of an overdose, and I tried to help her so much. My mom died of liver failure because she was an alcoholic.

I spent my whole childhood trying to help my family, and they all ultimately died anyway. I tried to be a parent to my mom, who couldn’t seem to get her life together.

I am gay, and I don’t know what caused it. But it really was a secret and still is. It just adds too much complexity to my life already. I don’t have hope of a family one day. I just don’t like girls enough. I actively struggle with not sleeping with guys, but it’s what I’ve known since childhood.

I almost dropped out of HS. But God had mercy on me, and I met someone who helped me get into college and get an associate’s degree. The only thing is I’m downing on student loans now. I feel trapped in that way, and I need help.

I have a relationship with my older brother; he is the only family I have. And I never had any relationship with my outside family. But it’s so hard because of everything that happened. I am just alone now.

I had a period of mania that was public that I went crazy, and I think my brother holds it against me. I just couldn’t handle anything. No drugs were involved in this. I just broke.

I go to an Orthodox church because God showed me that I needed to go. But now with my life, I can’t say I’m grateful to God for how my life is. People are there for me, but people don’t know what to do with me.

I want to believe that there is redemption for me. I want to believe that I am worthy of a good life with good things. And that God will help me like he helped David and Solomon. But anymore I just think that nobody is coming to save me. Including God. My fear is that I will continue to be poor and miserable until I die.

My whole life is just hell and doesn’t get better. I struggle with suicide a lot, but I have strings as to why I won’t do it. But sometimes it seems better to not be here anymore.

I just came here to ask for advice. But maybe I’m just asking for prayer. I truly don’t have a lot left in me anymore.