Mother’s Day blues as a oldest daughter
I’m seeing all these Mother’s Day posts of people w their moms and it almost makes me feel guilty bc I feel such a emotional disattachment with both my parent but especially with my mom and it’s not that my mom a horrible person she shows so much affection but it really just makes me feel uncomfortable and my mom try’s to make it seem like me and my sister are so close to her even though we aren’t but I feel guilty at the fact that I feel disattachment despite her affection
It feels like im missing out on some sort of connection but like internally i know im never gonna feel like that with my mom and it almost makes me feel sorry for myself honestly this may sound really bad but like i really could go without seeing either of my parents for the rest of my life and i would be fine maybe even happier
No we aren’t our whole relationship is based off such a shallow foundation it like I go shopping with my mom we hang out but she really doesn’t know anything real about me or my life she may think she does but it’s like she’s a shallow friend you tell nothing n to but hang out with And i know why the emotional disattachment stems from and its not like its was necessary her fault but when i was little and even know i feel like my moms therapist she shifts all her stress and problems onto me especially with her issues with my dad is all falls on me and it has always felt like she just draining me with all of it and when they would fight I would also we in the middle trying to defend her in screaming matches w my angry father and even though it’s not her fault I almost despise her for the fact that I had to be the ones to defend her and be witnessed to all that anger the fact that she stayed with my father despite his rage made me feel like she was the victim and bc she never left or tried i was forced to be subjected to all that and I blame her And the fact that I could never tell her any of this because it would really completely destroy her is the reason I feel like that emotional disattachment will always be there because despite her affection I can never forgive her for subjecting me to my fathers rage