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Profoundly changed my understanding of life. Of someone’s journey. Of someone’s reasons to stay and opt out of this world. 

I did not lie when I say that I started to feel defeated when reading this book. When I came across the storyline of Jude and Caleb along with their superlative abusive relationship, I realized that this book is not for me. I do not have the guts to go on and read such an atrocity, thinking that what happens in the book also happens in real life. But it’s the story that hooked me. That keeps me going. That gives me hope that at the end of the last chapter, I’ve come to myself in peace. 

This is the longest book I have read so far in my reading era since I was in high school, so you should understand that there are a few times that I need to put down the book and touch some grass outside, in the real world. It took me months to finish it, and now, I finally did.

This book changed me on so many levels. Technically, Hanya’s writing is so good, you will forget that she wrote the most depressing book of all time. And, I am so excited about Hanya’s creative works in the future. Some parts are tedious to read as a more descriptive narrative of a situation can really make the book be boring, and this is the case of this book. But I am only just a reader, and I should not take away the creative freedom of the author, so if she wanted to write that part, then we should read it. 

Story-wise, it is one of the books I can say that I am so happy and glad that I read it, but I will not certainly read it in the future. This is not meant to be in a negative way, but more of a positive in a sense that this book had so much grasp on me and made me bleed with tears each chapter, I could not think of a single day in the future to pick up this book again and happily read it. The storyline was so intense I started to question if the author was in her right mind while writing this book. 

A lot of readers tend to not finish the book due to excessive depiction of abuse and self-harm, repetitive description of a narrative, and etc, but I liked this book. Not because of the abuse or self-harm, but because of how it reflects on someone’s reality. This book can be, might be, and is, a mirror to someone’s life. This book is a reminder that there are consequences of our own choices, and how those choices can help us or bring us to our downfall. 

I always say that A Little Life is not little at all. It exudes a powerful, overly depressing, loud, life of a character that is timid and mysterious for all his life. The title promises something small, but in reality, the experience of reading is anything but. It is ironic that the title can be ordinary, but the world inside it is vast, mysterious, non-predictive, and world-defining. 

After finishing the book, I think I will think of Jude St. Francis even more. I will become like Harold (Jude’s foster father) that sees Jude in everything that I do, in everything that I see, and in everything I want to be. I will think of the life that he had and the life that he should’ve had, and reflect on the choices he made for himself as my life is also made of choices that I think and decided.

I definitely recommend this book to those who are intrigued by this but totally not recommending this to someone who is fighting their mental stability because it is not good for mental wellness. A Little Life is a good book, and as Harold says that I think can summarize this book is “…. Because he deserved happiness”. And, he totally does deserve it.