u/Northstar_hl

I (24F) am entering my second year of a PhD in the social sciences. Ideally, I’d love to stay in academia and become a professor. However, I’m increasingly unsure whether that’s financially responsible given my family situation.

I was fortunate to attend college on a full scholarship, but since my first year of college, I’ve also been financially supporting my family overseas.

My parents stopped working around COVID and currently don’t have any savings, so I expect to be responsible for helping support them for the foreseeable future — potentially the next 20 years.

I’m also getting married soon and would like to have children. Growing up with a lot of financial insecurity, including worrying about having enough food, has made me particularly conscious of wanting to provide my future children with financial stability and opportunities that I didn’t have growing up.

This is where I’m extremely torn. Academia is genuinely what I’d love to do, but the compensation and job market make me nervous given my responsibilities. On the other hand, I could pivot into industry, where I’d likely have a much higher income and potentially more financial security, but I’m worried about giving up a career I’m genuinely passionate about.

Financially, I’ve been trying to stay fairly disciplined. I worked multiple jobs throughout college and have about $150k across brokerage and retirement accounts. At the moment, after expenses, I’m able to save/invest around $2,500–$3,000 per month.

But I also know that supporting parents, eventually raising children, and potentially buying a home and saving for potential college funds could change the picture significantly.

For those who have faced a similar choice between pursuing a passion and choosing a higher-paying career because of family responsibilities, how did you approach it? Do you think it’s worth pursuing academia despite the financial uncertainty, or would you prioritize a higher-paying industry career in my situation?

I’d really appreciate any perspectives, especially from people who have supported parents while also building their own families.

Hi sisters,

I’m planning to get married soon, and I’d love some advice regarding how to best plan for our financial future as a household, but also to protect my share in the worst case scenario of divorce.

Particularly, I (24F) am currently in my second year of PhD, with about $135k in brokerage and Roth accounts, mostly invested in broad index funds. My partner (30M) is finishing his PhD soon and expects to start his career in tech. Savings-wise he does not have much, roughly $20k or so I think. Our long-term horizon of earning potentials do not quite match, since I’m in social sciences, and an academic position hovers around only $80-100k for my field.

It’s most likely that we’re gonna have kids and settle down in Bay Area for the long term, and given the exorbitant housing market there, I think we have to be very intentional about our finances to be able to achieve homeownership. In other words, we have to manage our finances as a team. But as a girl who grew up having to worry about putting food on the table, part of me is also very scared that I might be left with nothing if our marriage dissolves.

I have access to governmental 403b and 457b (both Roth and traditional) for reference.

I’m thus wondering how to best approach finances in my marriage, given my goals:

1. To be able to provide a stable housing situation for our kids in the Bay Area.
2. Fund the kids’ higher education, and ideally leave them with a decent inheritance.
3. Protect my share in case of divorce while still being fair to my partner.

Any additional advice on necessary preparations for marriage, financially or otherwise, is also much appreciated!

I’ve learnt so much from you all here, so thank you!