I hope atheism/materialism are true
I hope that the evil universe is truly just a coincidence, that everything requiring suffering is only because of tiny non conscious balls moving around, that when people die its nothing so they are free from suffering
unfortunately the numerous spiritual experiences each religions bring are too vast and too similar to be just psychological to me, it feels more likely that the universe is just made and controlled by a bunch of sadistic diabolical demiurges wanting to get their rocks off by causing as much suffering as possible, everything requires suffering in order to function from washing your hands killing off a bunch of micro-organisms to eating food requiring you to kill another being or treat a being as a slave (even if youre vegan since plants are living organisms) and its all because of the sadistic tyrants that rule over and laugh at us, the afterlife is most likely either reincarnation so the cycle of suffering keeps on going or an eternity in hell where suffering lasts even longer simply because the demiurges need some entertainment
this is why asceticism is a common practice in most religions and even the ones that dont practice it still engage in things that lead to suffering (such as Dionysus cults engaging in animal sacrifice and Judaism having the Kaparot Custom) suffering already brings the demiurges much joy but suffering done in devotion to them that sucks them off and strokes their ego? its orgasmic to them
this is also why so many religions have rules against blasphemy, the demiurges get mad when you point out their tyranny instead of mindlessly kneeling and worshipping them and accepting the suffering that comes your way, as well as why so many religions have contradictions because it leads to people fighting and causing suffering against each other in ways that range from being mean in arguments to causing wars
there is still a small chance that atheism/materialism are true and i desperately hope so, there is decent arguments for them even if i lean more towards theism/spirituality and they are undeniably the more favorable option when compared to ANY form of theism, at least in atheism the suffering is accidental and not intentional, the universe is meaningless instead of its only meaning being to fulfill the sick fetishes of the tyrannical demiurges and all of it will inevitably end with everyone experiencing nothing after death and the universe ceasing to exist instead of being forced into new worlds of total suffering, unfortunately thats very unlikely and too optimistic.