I usually struggle to buy nice things for myself as a gambling addict from the urge of feeling like all my money has to go towards gambling. But today I had took the money I made and went to a few stores I actually wanted to.
Can’t lie the urge to be cheap to myself and go gamble was hard. But at the register checking out of a few stores felt like my old self again for a bit. Hopefully can roll this momentum into better change
Trying something new, It lets you transfer money to it and it gives you the option to deposit it as non gambling funds. Doing this doesn’t let you deposit on gambling sites or add money on Apple Pay. But you can still purchase everyday things. This is not a fix but in the case you do want to gamble you have to wait a few days for it to transfer back to your bank account.
So maybe this extra layer could stop the urges or help me keep some money for everyday things because I gamble till I’m at 0 if it’s in my regular account. Will update to see if it helps my journey my little.
Another day waking up at 6am betting the whole day only to end the day at 0. Barely ate just winning and losing bets to chase it all back and lose at the end. A cycle I’ve experienced plenty times over the years. I’m tired but when will I truly stop wasting days with no communication with people just watching one game to the next for the whole day betting betting betting.
It’s time for change I’m at rock bottom but the feeling is what I’ve become used to my heart still races at each bet watching the game. Im addicted to the thrill, I have to rewire my dopamine process, nothing gets me excited like betting and nothing brings me to the lows like betting.
I can’t keep making excuses life is just passing me by by repeating the same process.
I always lie to myself, and say when I make this I’ll stop. But the more money I have in hand, those 50$ bets can turn into 500, then 5000 and back to 0 so fast. The wins never satisfy me. The more I’ll win the more I’ll bet. Even if the winning streak lasts a week. I’ll eventually bet every dollar made the next week.
I wish I could find why I’m never satisfied, I been trying to look deep within to come to terms with what I’m running from or chasing. 3 years plus in still haven’t figured it out
Far from where some of you are but the process of seeing some of you all post 30plus days clean gives me hope I could be there some day.