Will anyone ever be able to “handle” my BPD?
I’m only 18 years old, I know there’s a lot of adults in this subreddit who are more experienced in managing their disorder.
I just went through my first heartbreak and I’ve objectively had the worst year of my life. It’s been abandonment after abandonment, a constant cycle of push and pull whether it was between friends or now my ex.
He told me that we’d still be friends, and his main reason for breaking up with me was that he wasn’t able to “handle” my BPD symptoms. The same way all my ex best friends weren’t able to.
I know it’s my responsibility to manage my symptoms too, and I’ve been trying so hard since I got out of the psych ward. He supported me thru everything, constantly reassured me that I’m not a burden, and then left me with his reason being that I am, in fact, a burden. Just like everyone else I pushed away. Even though I’ve been doing so much better at supporting myself recently.
I stopped self harming for him, even if I got the compulsion I never let it take over because I didn’t want to worry him. I still get emotional a lot but I tried not to let it affect our relationship because I truly loved him. And then he told me I was “settling” for him when he left, as if I don’t cry over him at least three times a day.
I tried reasoning with him yesterday, and he told me he was dead-set on this breakup and I shouldn’t contact him for another two months. It hurts so bad.
How do I cope with heartbreak? Will I ever be able to have a close relationship with someone who can “handle” me? I miss him so much.