u/Nyet--

Well I’m blown away by how much a body and mind can change. I remember there being a time when I literally could not fathom a version of me off of Kratom. I had quit like a million times and it was always a complicated nightmare. Now not only do I never think about Kratom, I’ll walk by headshops to which I would desperately run before their closing time and not even remember that I could buy Kratom there. I genuinely do not even remember in my routine what it was like to be thinking about it 24/7, what the routine I’d had of taking it felt like, nor do I remember what the high was like enough to miss it.
Granted, life goes on and as such I find other problems and troubles. but that’s just life. I have my sex drive back, my body is healthier and free and alive in ways I did not expect: I don’t mind staying late at work if I’m enjoying a job nor does travelling anywhere worry me like it did; nor taking my time on the walk home, nor doing simple things and hobbies outside of the routine of ‘Get Home ASAP—>Get High/Abate Withdrawal.’
I am thinking and writing and maturing less recursively because I am not stuck on that loop of always getting high and ceasing everything else in me. And weirdly I am more capable, more expectant of change. I felt like I was stuck in time on Kratom and that in a way I could not mature or age and that time just flew by while everyday I felt the same and saw everything the same. People would change around me and I could only be frustrated that I was the same and yet wanted nothing different in my routine because I was high and could not imagine not being high.
It is absurd how much and how deeply Kratom affects who you are as a person, the way you deal with everything else in life and the way you see things. And how important it is to know that if you just wait sober and let day by day pass, you simply become a person who is okay with being sober. Whether you like it or not, it just happens eventually. Sometimes we all on here break down the recovery meta game so intensively because we just don’t understand why the fuck it isn’t working; why we can’t let time pass. But you just have to wait and watch. It is possible because time is possible. One day you just do not remember in your body who you were before. You have to keep trying like it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do.
Thank you all for your help!
Edit: fyi the game changers for me (only those that I’m certain by comparison made the biggest difference) were macrodosing Lipo-C with that guy’s schedule, VERY cautiously using Imod—ium when it gets digestively brutal or in an emergency like at work or school, and daily spoonfuls of Psyllium Husk Fiber which acted as a natural Imodium by the three-to-four week mark.