What cognitive style does this sound like?
I’ve been typed as ILI for the bigger part of my life, but it never really made sense, and LIE (harmonizing>creative subtype) fits like a glove besides the cognitive style (VS, I’d say I have DA). Been jumping between types like a rubber ball trying to figure out what I could be instead. Let me paint you a picture:
I’m a stubborn, jovial, romantic and generally careless optmist and have been for all my life, but I’m also majorly at odds with existential and theological topics, as in ’I quarrel with and try to solve them’. Would also say I was practically socially disabled during my childhood, with a sudden spike of competence somewhere in my late teens.
For a long time I’ve been looking for a partner who won’t mind my restlessness. It’s a pleasurable, hot-hearted, and in my opinion 'good' restlessness that makes me want to constantly be on the move, doing something, making something happen, closing the distance with someone, occupying my mind and pushing distractions to the back of it. If I slow down my head unfortunately floods with pedantry and paradoxes, it’s just not good for me overall. I don’t like being existential but it easily turns out that way. And when that does happen my mind either collapses or I accelerate. If I’m not accelerating (in any sense of the word) nothing makes sense to me. Luckily I have a disposition towards exactly that; acceleration of myself, others and endeavors.
My close family would call me a living paradox. Fickle, naive, merry, restless, unpredictable and constantly eager but at the same time robotic, bold, stuck in my head and unnecessarily scrupulous. On the outside ILI might fit at times but I really don't see or care for negatives in any endeavor, and ILI is frequently described as this sulky, dark and foggy man with an unending magazine of pessimism (that's practically what they're good for). When I'm with SEEs I essentially have to pretend to be pessimistic. If someone warns me I unconsciously brush it off since in my head any situation--regardless how bad it might look from the outside--is simply some determination, a few bold steps, a few handshakes and a God trusting mind away from making it back up. Even if I were to get into one of those 'really bad' situations like ending up on the street or getting fired from a job, I would not mind. If anything I'd be exhilarated and motivated to find another solution. I'm also not a "teller of unpopular truths" in any sense of the word, might even be too accommodating in most cases.
I guess the roadblock is how well dialectical-algorithmic cognition fits me. I've always had a tendency to counterpoint and criticize my own thinking to the point of breaking down whatever reality I convinced myself of, but only during times of idleness, when my constant inner excitation and thirst for movement has nowhere to go. Would also say I attach some kind of 'purpose' to events and things, considering that the reason an event occured is due to whatever it brought about. What was 'intended'. E.g."I only failed this time because I was supposed to be humbled so that I could work on myself and get back up again".
I’ve been obsessively working out almost all my life as an outlet, but only recently did I discover how good sprinting is for me. Great treatment for my restlessness as I can simply run faster each time (to an extent obviously), and I don’t mind breaking my body at all. To point that towards Si PoLR, I've also always had an unnatural endurance when it comes to physically taxing environments and a complete disregard for the taste and freshness of food.
Appreciate any feedback!