AITA for not letting my 16 year old daughter fly across the country alone to meet an online friend?
HEEEEELP. I know teenagers are naturally rebellious, but this is making my hair go grey.
My (41F) daughter (16F, we'll call her Sierra) is on the spectrum and has ODD. She's been angry at the world since she was born. She didn't cry as a baby, she just SCREAMED. There was no medical reason, just anger. And not much has changed since then. (I do have 3 other children so I do have a baseline LOL!) Her last meltdown was a week ago when we took her phone away for one day... she wailed for 4 hours straight.
Yes, she is in therapy and has tried a plethora of different medications. She also has worked with social workers, special education teachers, autism specialists, psychiatrists, even a work-readiness program. Her stepdad (45M) and I are doing everything we can to help her navigate a difficult journey.
Like many autistic kids, Sierra has always struggled with social relationships. So she's turned to online friendships (at the encouragement of her therapist). Her "best" friend (we'll call her Amy) is 12 (which is about the social developmental level my daughter is at), and lives 1500 miles away. They FaceTime CONSTANTLY (there really isn't a chat history for us to check in on, so we just try to supervise as best we can without being intrusive).
Amy wanted to come visit last summer, and had told Sierra that she'd gotten her mother to agree to fly out with her. Obviously that fell through. We think it was just a fabrication.
This brings us to yesterday, when Sierra found out that her favorite singer (Mico?) is going on tour. Amy convinced her mom to purchase VIP tickets to the concert where they live, and even offered to purchase Sierra a plane ticket to fly out there. ALONE. Her stepdad and I both told her we weren't comfortable with the situation, and we've gotten PAGES of angry messages from her, and she won't even speak to us in person.
We got the mom's phone number and are going to contact her today. If she's the one encouraging this, we think she's the AH here. Right?
But am I being overly cautious? Am I preventing her from having a good social experience that she can learn from? It hurts to be hated so much by a human that you're just trying to help and keep safe. I'm so tired. Do I just ride out the storm and accept that when she turns 18 she will probably never speak to me again?
Context:
No, we cannot afford to go with her. Also, her stepdad took her to see this same singer back in October about 2 hours from where we live. She does have a senior trip next spring (which we just put a lot of money toward) where she can get a taste of travel without us.