u/Objective_Basket_401

Regarding technolarp's recent decision to keep the old channel and the videos, a decision i thought to be pretty bad, Forgive me but, i think deleting them would be better. Even if somebody were to reupload them, they would need the actual videos to be there, and i don't presume that an extreme amount of your own videos have been saved everywhere, Some have, Some haven't, so, if you could, delete them,

I take it back actually, they are unmonetized, so your not doing it for money, which is great, but even then, your channel *still* has the 200K subs off of the TechnoLarp persona, which is why i think the whole channel itself should be deleted, Now of course i know that's upsetting, but instead of outright deleting it right now, Why not: 1) create a new channel, 2) make a video asking the people who want to watch you for you to migrate to that channel, 3) After a week, delete the old channel, Now you have a completely new channel with your own personal audience instead of fans that came from the drama!

So recently i was walking across the street to meet one of my many friends from school, a guy i had known for two years now, We hadn't spoken in, what, six months now? it was because we never spoke outside of his house or my school, it was never an issue at first, and i'll explain why, but, when we met up, i wasn't exactly fond of having to use up so much of my mental energy, but we talked anyway, and talked, and talked.

The conversation actually took off much faster than i had thought, Because, Remember when i said i knew him two years ago? Yeah, that was because he was the new kid who enrolled into my school, he was from sweden, and, i natively speak Arabic, and arabic is a seriously hard language, especially for newcomers, and the teachers weren't exactly tolerating of his intellectual abilites, so i made a plan with him, i would teach him arabic at his house...

Over time, he learned to speak it, mastering the dialect of the people around us, but not necessarily being able to understand the words on paper. He was a really charismatic and sometimes unnerving guy..

Now you might be wondering, how could this guy even play a role in the narrative i'm trying to build? Well, two things, an explanation of What happened to me, and second, what happened between me and him

Firstly, let me start with stating that this isn't a call for help or a need for rescue, it's just me trying to do my best to be honest and insightful, because thinking is really hard;

Remember when i said we met up? That was in June of this year, we met just after the exams had started and, Remember when i said we hadn't spoken in a while? Yeah, that's because we never spoke outside of his house or our school, so in between semesters, we never contacted one another.

But we always did this, why would it hurt now?

That's because;

Between June of last year up until July of this year, i as the dumb 15 year old i am, with no friends and nothing to stop me, never left my house a single time other than for the purpose of indulging endlessly in food

Of course this absolutely wasn't normal, it shouldn't have happened, where were my parents? where were my siblings? where were my relatives? Nobody even tried to ask about how i was doing, nobody ever questioned why i left the house over TEN times per day and spent over a HUNDRED Egyptian pounds just on chips and sodas... i got so sad that i started to wonder if i was really a different person, The person i was in the past, Gone, i saw not one trace of him throughout that entire time period, None. i became even sadder and with time convinced myself that my past self was better than me. i began to think that nothing could compensate for the loss i experienced, what was it? The loss of simply existing, to let myself live inside the world and not outside of it.

it genuinely left me questioning if anybody even cared about who i was.
I became isolated, overbearing, disliked, distant, and even narcissistic at times, i would grow so angry that i would want to punch my little brother's face in when he made fun of me for being lonely...

and, even in the rare times when people tried to help me, i was irritated, i didn't *want* other people's help, i wanted their unconditional love, i didn't want them to tell me i wasn't alone, i wanted them to *show* me that i wasn't alone. i didn't want anybody to know any of this, because if they did, i could never truly know if they were talking to me for me and not to appease me.

All of this lead to my social skills going down in the dumps and my relationships being temporary

Now, Secondly, back to our actual story,

With no contact, after we met up, when we were walking back from a party, (no alcohol by the way) he put his hand on my shoulder as he always does, and, with him being taller, even if not by much at the time, it felt weird.

He suddenly asked me; "Hey, (my name), So what's been up with you lately?"

I literally said in my head; "Oh no"

I knew it , i knew it was coming, i knew he was eventually going to wonder why i'm now the most boring person in the world

That i didn't want to answer, i don't even think i knew the answer to his question myself...

i literally froze, i didn't know *what* to say, i thought; "How do I tell him I haven't left my house? How do I tell him I've become bitter, angry, distant, and wanted to hit my brother just for pointing out my loneliness?"

It was a difficult situation, especially because he was observant...

So much so, that i involuntarily responded by trying to take my hand off of his shoulder, he noticed and let me do it.

it went quiet for a few seconds as i let myself think, it was a risky move to just not respond to a question like that, but i did it anyway

as we crossed the busy street and i thought over and over and over about it, Suddenly, as other's presence waned from my vision, i felt a hand, the size similar to his own, brush over my chest, and suddenly, i was pushed backward onto the pavement as i felt a breeze wash over me

my brain hurt, i felt a tingly sensation in the back of my head, i felt that i could smell the gums of my mouth and when i looked back up, He was right there, he wasn't on his knee no, he was just.. standing there, looking away, hiding his face from me

i didn't know what happened, i didn't hear anything, my head hurt from hitting the pavement, but as i felt another breeze pass by, it turned out that before i fell, i was inches, probably even CENTIMETRES away from being run over...

i didn't want to believe it at the time but,

this guy basically saved my life...