WIBTAH if I tell my roommate that I can't keep maintaining pin drop silence in our dorm room during the day just because she works night shifts?
I'm 19F living in a dorm with my roommate, 23F, who I'll call Sarah. We've been roommates for a little over a year and have always had a good relationship. Our room is small, but we split the space 50/50 and have never had major issues.
About two weeks ago Sarah started a new job requiring night shifts. She works both weekend days and 2-3 days during the week. She gets home around 6-7am, sleeps until the afternoon, gets up to eat, play games, cook, etc., sometimes takes another nap, then goes to work again.
I've tried hard to accommodate her schedule. During the day I'm usually at university, and when I'm home I don't turn on the main light or make much noise. If my parents call, I wear headphones so Sarah can't hear them and speak quietly, although I can't whisper because then my parents can't hear me. I've also told my parents quite often that I'll call later because Sarah is sleeping.
Sarah has struggled with sleep before and has used some sleep aids in the past, so I understand she genuinely needs sleep. She wears an eye mask and sometimes asks me if its okay to switch off the light if I'm not doing anything hectic, which I always do agree to. I've often kept the room dark even around 5-6pm and done university work using my phone flashlight or a small bedside lamp she gave me. This has happened a few times a week for the last year.
The problem is that our activities aren't always equally easy to accommodate. Sarah games a lot, and when I'm sleeping she can game with headphones and without the light. I try to reciprocate, but much of my university work involves writing and homework, and sometimes I need to talk to my family. She also has earplugs, which she sometimes uses aka when she comes home and I'm already awake. If not then she doesn't use them.
Today is Sunday. Sarah came home around 7am after work and went to sleep, I was still asleep. Around 13:30, my aunt, mum and grandma called together. It's rare for all three to be on a call together, so I wanted to join. I wore headphones and spoke quietly. The call lasted about an hour and a half, although I wasn't talking continuously and was mostly listening.
I didn't realize I'd woken Sarah until she got up. I said hi and noticed something was off. After my call, I asked if she was okay and she said she was annoyed because I had woken her. I apologized about three times and she nodded.
I understand why she was annoyed and feel bad that I woke her. At the same time, I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in our shared room. I'm happy to make reasonable accommodations, but I also have university, work, family I want to occasionally talk to, and my own life.
I don't want this to turn into resentment because we genuinely get along.
WIBTA for wanting to tell her that it's a bit unfair, because I don't think I can reasonably be expected to maintain near silence whenever she's sleeping during the daytime?
Also, for our first year as roommates (prior to her starting night shifts), the lights were off almost constantly. She would be awake from about 8am until early in the morning, then take a nap in the late afternoon and stay asleep until 9pm. That meant the lights were off from 3pm to 9pm every day - and in this country, it gets dark around 4pm. Even then, I was as accommodating as possible. I avoided turning on the main light even when I had tasks to do, like laundry, folding clothes, or organizing my shelves. It was a real hassle because our room is small and we have stuff everywhere, but I'd just thug it out using my phone flashlight. It sucks because I'm not a confrontational person, To make matters worse, I think a big part of my frustration comes from a general imbalance in how we maintain the room. I do almost all of the sweeping, while she almost never does. She handles taking out the trash, but mostly because she leaves the room more often, and whenever I go out, I take it too if needed. Between sweeping the entire room, constantly keeping the lights off, and tiptoeing around her schedule, I'm starting to feel like I'm doing all the giving in. Thank you for listening to my rant lol.