Will they refuse to operate because I have chest acne and pick at it? so there is scabs . I’ve been doing my best to leave it alone but that’s provin more difficult than I thought. I’m two weeks out from surgery so I think there’s time for it to heal if i leave it alone
I think this struggle with gender is just another symptom of my anxiety. I was a highly anxious person growing up, and I identified as a trans man.
I had and have dysphoria…. but taking testosterone didn’t fix things the way I thought it would. the truth is, if I could be a cis man I would pick that instantly but I don’t want to be a *trans* man. It’s not helping me, and it took me taking testosterone to realize this may *not* be the choice for me in the long run. I don’t regret it at all, and I don’t think I’ll stop taking T until *after* I’ve socially detransitioned for a while, just to be sure. I also am going to get top surgery because I cannot live with my breasts, they ruin my confidence.
I just want to be me. I want to be a woman and wear feminine outfits and masc outfits (in a “tomboy” way) when I feel like it. The biggest thing scaring me is the pronoun update, as soon as I tell some people to use she/her now that means others will find out and I feel scared of their reactions. I don’t want to be asked questions.
I feel so in-between right now, pretending to be a man so I can get top surgery when I know I will detransition. I know I am making mistakes but I cannot handle breasts even a bit longer, because binding hurts me but I can’t ever be comfortable without it.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this post, it’s just I’m so confused… I want to explore things to see how I feel I want to live my life, but I am a highly anxious person.
i feel like everyone else knows what they want inside, but I couldn’t possibly know Im not trans until I transition and THEN realize “ohh this didn’t fix my problems”, you know!
Being FTM is the easiest path for me right now, living in a supportive area and because it’s what I’m already doing. And I still have dysphoria
but despite that, something isnt right. Detransitioning is scary and involves confronting a lot. But being able to be comfortable and honest about who I am eventually, would be nice.. not feeling like I have to act a certain way to “pass”, just feeling like I can exist