u/Odd-Inevitable-6917

My mother recently died from sepsis/septic shock after a very complicated medical course, and I’m trying to better understand what medically happened and whether there were things I could realistically have done differently as her primary caregiver.

She had FIGO Stage IIIC uterine carcinosarcoma and underwent an open hysterectomy only three months ago. After surgery, she had a UTI that was immediately treated and was resolved. Later, after her second chemo, doctors discovered kidney obstruction/hydronephrosis, which they believed was likely related to the tumor obstruction. Ureteral stents were placed first, her creatine was normalized. But two weeks later , her urine output was super low, so the doctors proceeded with a PCN.

Things declined very quickly after that. Her urine output remained low even after the PCN, creatinine worsened, and she eventually developed severe sepsis/septic shock. She later required dialysis and ventilation, and her blood pressure became extremely unstable despite medications.

I keep replaying everything wondering:
- whether the obstruction should have been caught earlier,
- whether PCN should have been done earlier instead of trying stents first,
- whether poor oral intake/nutrition could have significantly worsened the outcome (she was throwing up everything she was eating at the later stages)
- whether this level of kidney failure can genuinely develop within days in advanced cancer/sepsis,
- and whether this sounds medically like a situation that was already extremely high risk despite treatment.

I fully understand nobody here can judge a complex case perfectly without records, but I’m trying to understand the likely medical sequence and whether there were realistic missed opportunities versus an overwhelming disease process.

I was her primary caregiver through all of this, and I think my brain is struggling to separate grief from responsibility.

Lost my (F29) mom (F54) six days ago to complications during cancer treatment. She was responding well to the treatment, but had a kidney infection that took her in matter of days. She was my absolute everything, my best friend, my pillar of support. I talk to her every day atleast twice before cancer. I moved to my hometown to take care of her when she was diagnosed three months ago. I was with her the whole time. I still cannot comprehend it. The first day, I cried endlessly. Screamed, yelled, collapsed. The second day, not as much. Since then, almost nothing. And that scares me and I cannot fully explain why.

I cried constantly in the 3–4 days leading up to her death. The thought of losing her was simply unacceptable. Just no. No no no no. Not possible. How can any of this be happening? To MY MOM? Every single time I walked into that ICU and came back after seeing her fragile, bruised, failing body, I broke down. I carried that grief physically. It showed up in my throat, my chest, my stomach, my legs. It completely consumed me. And now there is just.. nothing?

Research says grief can create a dissonance between the brain and the body. My mind knows my mom is gone. It knows this happened. But my body has not caught up to that reality yet. Or maybe it refuses to. I feel numb. Empty. Unable to even shed a tear.
And what confuses me most is how functional I seem in some moments. I talk to people. I mention her stories so casually. I wish it split me open whenever I take her name, I wish it made me weak and sob like a baby. But nothing. I show relatives around. I joke. I respond normally in conversations. I laugh easily. It feels offensive to my own grief.

But there are also moments that overwhelm me—when I have to bring myself directly closer to her. I cannot check her phone. I cannot clean out her things. I cannot unpack the bags we packed to the hospital for treatment. I just shut down or flee from it. All of it feels unbearable in a way I cannot predict or control.

And underneath all of this is another fear I am ashamed to admit—what if I finally do those things and still feel…ok? What if I survive it too easily? What if the pain fades before I am ready for it to? Because right now, pain feels like the only visible proof that she was here. I yearn this pain. As if grief is the final thread connecting me to Amma. And if I stop hurting this intensely, then I have lost her completely. I have nothing to show to myself that she was my everything.

I know that is not true. I know love does not disappear just because the body stops collapsing under it. But I don’t know what else I am supposed to hold onto now that there is nothing left to do for her.

Hi everyone, I’m trying to understand what’s happening with my mom and would really appreciate any insights.

She was diagnosed with FIGO IIIC endometrial carcinosarcoma in February. She is now post-hysterectomy and 2 chemos done. Right before her third chemo out of 6 and 25 radiations, she developed kidney issues, creatinine 4.3, very low urine output, swelling, dizziness, vomiting. She had ureteral stents placed a week ago because the doctors thought it was due to urinary obstruction.

Her urine output has been fluctuating. Yesterday at improved to 800 ml, then dropped again today. Docs now think there’s ongoing obstruction, possibly from the bladder region, even with stents in place.

They are recommending PCN (nephrostomy) to relieve pressure on the kidneys, and mentioned dialysis if kidneys don’t respond.

She also had, recurrent infection (but no fever), vomiting and suspected bowel obstruction/ileus and had NG tube for a few days to relieve the pressure. Her stomach is also soo bloated and a lot of swelling in both the legs.

Right now she’s at the hospital and in the ICU, being monitored closely.

I’m trying to understand if anyone had kidney failure from obstruction like this with gynecologic cancers?

And if the PCN help improve kidney function?

If a dialysis doctor as performed, was it temporary or long-term? How reversible was this?

I know every case is different, but hearing real experiences would help a lot. Or anything you think I might find helpful. I’m a sole caregiver to my mom and its been a lot.