u/OddTarget2093

30F here. I recently claimed a part of my PF for an emergency but ended up not using it, so the amount is currently sitting in my bank account. I might need around half of it in a few months to close my loan. Until then, where can I invest this money?

I’ve been investing in a couple of mutual funds for the past 3 years and have also been buying physical gold for years. I would like to earn decent returns on this amount. I considered investing in a Gold ETF, but I’m not sure if it would give good returns in the short term.

I don’t have much knowledge about stocks or the market, so any insights or suggestions would really help me.

I met my husband 2.5 years ago and we’ve been married for 4 months now. It’s an inter religion, state and language marriage. My husband was raised by a single mom his whole life. She looks confident, soft and devoted from outside, but after marriage I realised how controlling and emotionally manipulative she actually is.

Even while dating, my husband never took decisions on his own. He would call and ask me before deciding anything. During marriage discussions, I became emotionally disappointed because he was literally unable to do anything independently. He needed that hand-holding support and even most wedding arrangements from his side were handled by his aunt and uncle. Later I realised it’s not entirely his fault, he was never really taught independence. His mom did everything for him (literally bringing food and water to bed), never trusted his decisions and never taught him financial responsibility or confidence.

On top of that, she is clearly not ready to share him emotionally after marriage. There are many indirect expectations at home:

1. Bedroom doors should stay open until she goes to sleep. She stays in the hall almost the whole day and goes to her just to sleep. If I close the door during the day, she would just be cranky and distant.

2. She doesn’t like him helping me with chores. If he does something one day, she’ll do that the next day before he comes home.

3. She body shames him constantly even though he has only developed a slight belly.

4. We are expected to sleep as per her schedule. He comes home at 10.30, we have dinner at 11, she would expect him to sit and talk till 11.45 and go to her room and would expect us to sleep before 12.15. If we dont she would gaslight him the next morning in my absence.

5. If we buy things for the house like AC, plants etc, she initially appreciates it but later says things like “this is my house, you should ask permission."

6. She never lets me cook, do his laundry, or manage household work. I mostly just sweep the house every evening. I eat the rice for all three meals. Ive reduced to 2 meals now. One irritating thing she does is ask me for recipes often but never actually follow them.

7. She indirectly judges me whenever I eat junk food while she herself makes papadam or fried snacks almost daily.

8. She comments on almost every purchase or expense we make but uses everything comfortably herself.

Financially, my parents support us whenever they can. Everytime i return back from my parents, they send us so many things. She barely shows gratitude. When my parents visited his place before marriage, she dint even bother to feed them 2 meals a day. Even if its one extra person, we have to order food. My MIL has not spent a single penny for us. She never gets anything for her son and he doesn't get anything for her by himself. The expensive sarees or home appliances I gift her will be rotting in her cupboard. My MIL is not transparent about finances with her son and didn’t contribute anything towards marriage expenses either. She compalins whenever we make any purchases for oursleves but she makes my husband order groceries every other day. No weekly or monthly grocery shopping, she makes him order online whenever she wants.

The biggest issue is their emotional dynamics. They fight badly, say extremely hurtful things and then forgive each other within hours like nothing happened. She often gaslights him, emotionally manipulates him and pushes him to the edge. And calls him the worst son for loosing his shit.

Today during the fight she asked us to move out of the house for a month. Honestly, part of me desperately wants that space because I feel mentally exhausted in this environment. But another part of me feels guilty leaving her alone, and I know my husband will probably normalize everything again within a day.

My question to people who’ve gone through similar situations: Did things improve? Did your MIL/mom change eventually? Did you continue living together or move out? How did you protect your marriage through all this?

P.S. I started therapy a couple of weeks ago. I honestly don’t know what else could make this better.

​

I (30F) was raised as an only daughter in a male-dominated joint family by a grounded, soft-spoken, and empathetic mother. Growing up, I often had to fight and argue for what I wanted, and even then, I was frequently denied. At times, I even had to fight with my own mother for basic freedoms. My brother neglected me throughout my life, and my father was more focused on being an elder brother to his siblings than being a father to his daughter. My family did things for me based on what they felt I needed.

I’ve had a few relationships in the past. In the earlier ones, I was naive and often taken for granted. In later relationships, I became more aware of my boundaries and expectations, but the men I was with found me “too much” and didn’t want to take things further.

Two years ago, I met a man who appreciated my boundaries and expectations. He didn’t give up on me, and that made me overlook certain realities. Three months ago, I married him. halfway through the wedding preparations, I realised that he is a timid person with financial insecurities. I don’t entirely blame him, as he was raised by a single mother. She is outspoken and still feels the need to protect and “save” her son in every situation.

Amid all this, an older version of me, defensive and self-focused arrogance resurfaced. With anger and suppressed disappointment, I became irritable and a person who constantly complains and cant tolerate single fault. My husband, feeling stuck between me and his mother, started losing empathy and began reacting like me. He now says hurtful things and often blames me for his anger. Also, when he is unable to handle a situation, his default response is to deflect.

He was never raised with the kind of trust and responsibility typically expected of a man in the household, and I now realize I may be treating him the same way, mostly due to my own disappointments.

At this point, we’re both hurt. I’m disappointed in him, and he’s disappointed in me. He does make efforts for me, but I think my expectations were set very high. Having fought for myself my entire life, I expected my husband to show up for me in ways no man ever has.

Now, except for my mother, I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to without them becoming defensive. I carry a lot of anger and disappointment, much of it unexpressed and I long to feel safe enough to relax and not always be on guard.

I don’t fully understand how my husband feels. Does he resent marrying me? He shows concern for me and does certain things to keep me content, but we rarely get the space to have meaningful conversations about our relationship. Because we live with his mother, we don’t get much privacy.

Our intimacy has reduced drastically, almost to nothing. When I’ve asked him about it, he said, “I don’t feel like being intimate because I don’t feel loved.” I genuinely wanted to give him the kind of emotional support and life he never had and I did. he seemed to get very comfortable with me handling almost every decision making responsibilities and avoided the responsibilities entirely.

I feel stuck between guilt of bringing my relationship 6o this place, loneliness from not having a safe space, a deep desire to improve, and the recurring cycle of anger. Most times im overwhelmed by thoughts like, “Why do I even exist?”

How do I handle this gracefully and make my marriage better ?

I (30F) was raised as an only daughter in a male-dominated joint family by a grounded, soft-spoken, and empathetic mother. Growing up, I often had to fight and argue for what I wanted, and even then, I was frequently denied. At times, I even had to fight with my own mother for basic freedoms. My brother neglected me throughout my life, and my father was more focused on being an elder brother to his siblings than being a father to his daughter. My family did things for me based on what they felt I needed.

I’ve had a few relationships in the past. In the earlier ones, I was naive and often taken for granted. In later relationships, I became more aware of my boundaries and expectations, but the men I was with found me “too much” and didn’t want to take things further.

Two years ago, I met a man who appreciated my boundaries and expectations. He didn’t give up on me, and that made me overlook certain realities. Three months ago, I married him. halfway through the wedding preparations, I realised that he is a timid person with financial insecurities. I don’t entirely blame him, as he was raised by a single mother. She is outspoken and still feels the need to protect and “save” her son in every situation.

Amid all this, an older version of me, defensive and self-focused arrogance resurfaced. With anger and suppressed disappointment, I became irritable and a person who constantly complains and cant tolerate single fault. My husband, feeling stuck between me and his mother, started losing empathy and began reacting like me. He now says hurtful things and often blames me for his anger. Also, when he is unable to handle a situation, his default response is to deflect.

He was never raised with the kind of trust and responsibility typically expected of a man in the household, and I now realize I may be treating him the same way, mostly due to my own disappointments.

At this point, we’re both hurt. I’m disappointed in him, and he’s disappointed in me. He does make efforts for me, but I think my expectations were set very high. Having fought for myself my entire life, I expected my husband to show up for me in ways no man ever has.

Now, except for my mother, I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to without them becoming defensive. I carry a lot of anger and disappointment, much of it unexpressed and I long to feel safe enough to relax and not always be on guard.

I don’t fully understand how my husband feels. Does he resent marrying me? He shows concern for me and does certain things to keep me content, but we rarely get the space to have meaningful conversations about our relationship. Because we live with his mother, we don’t get much privacy.

Our intimacy has reduced drastically, almost to nothing. When I’ve asked him about it, he said, “I don’t feel like being intimate because I don’t feel loved.” I genuinely wanted to give him the kind of emotional support and life he never had and I did. he seemed to get very comfortable with me handling almost every decision making responsibilities and avoided the responsibilities entirely.

I feel stuck between guilt of bringing my relationship 6o this place, loneliness from not having a safe space, a deep desire to improve, and the recurring cycle of anger. Most times im overwhelmed by thoughts like, “Why do I even exist?”